Blue Light Special | Stolen metal fish returned to boat landing intact. Phew.

Fishy, fishy

A Georgetown teen found himself in hot water after he reportedly took a metal fish from a local boat landing.

Although lots of weird things get stolen around Horry and Georgetown counties, but it is probably the first time that a metal sculpture, shaped like a fish and used as a garbage can, has been stolen from a public boat landing.

The case unraveled after surveillance tape showed several truck-driving suspects vandalizing the Enterprise Road boat landing this past spring.

Not only did the vandals spray paint the area, one of them ran off with a fairly large, donated metal fish.

The identity of the fish stealer was revealed this past week, according to Horry County police.

Bradley Barnes, 18, returned the fish in its original condition, police said.

Perhaps someone in his family questioned where one would purchase a garbage can shaped like a large-mouth bass.

Then again, it might have matched his bass-shaped mailbox.

The fish sculpture was reportedly worth about $1,000. At least $350 in damage was done by the spray-painting vandals.

The case also highlighted the importance of having surveillance cameras at the boat landings, officials said.

In case anyone is thinking of stealing a wallet or lifting another stray garbage can-fish statue, the hidden cameras are there to catch them in the act.

Fake G-men

It’s not bad enough that you have real FBI agents flying over your home ... now, fake ones are reportedly dialing your digits.

The Conway Police Department is warning residents that people calling and threatening to have you arrested are phony.

The callers reportedly say they are “police officers or federal agents.” The phone scammers say, among other things, that money should be wired immediately to get a loved one out of jail.

They also claim they have warrants out for your arrest.

Unless your first name is Jenelle and last name is Evans, you can hang up on these fake police officials.

Police said they do not call people and ask for money or threaten arrests for unserved warrants. No one should transfer money to any unknown caller, according to the Conway Police Department.

Although there are a number of phone scams going around, Conway Police say don’t believe people claiming to be from the FBI, the IRS or other suspicious government agencies with really scary acronyms.

That includes those who claim to be Mulder and Scully from the “X-files” or someone making a collect call from Area 51.

Mo-ped mo fos

Myrtle Beach police responded to a rash of mo-ped thefts last week, according to police reports.

A 23-year-old man was arrested in connection with one of the five mo-ped thefts, but was not charged with taking any of the others on Thursday morning, according to jail records.

The crime here isn’t necessarily the theft. The crime is that someone would want not just one, but FIVE mo-peds.

Officers were first called about a mo-ped theft on Wednesday about noon to a rental store at 1501 S. Ocean Blvd. where two 18-year-old men told police two mo-peds were taken from the business, authorities said.

The victims told police they parked the two blue, VIP Future Champion mopeds (the Cadillac of mo-peds, for those of you non-mo-ped aficionados) about 5 a.m. Wednesday, and the mo-peds were gone by about 11:45 a.m. later that day.

Police were called again in reference to a stolen mo-ped about 12:45 p.m. Wednesday to a parking lot on the 300 block of Eighth Avenue North where a 21-year-old woman reported that a mo-ped she parked was taken, authorities said.

Officers were called about ANOTHER mo-ped theft about 1 p.m. to a different rental store also on the 600 block of Kings Highway, police said.

The cases are still being investigated, and police have not noted a connection among any of the cases in reports. But I have.

The string of mo-ped thefts would lead one to believe that someone is using all the mo-peds Myrtle Beach has to offer in an effort to construct a giant mo-ped with which he can use to ride in the far left lane and stop Grand Strand traffic for all time.

It’s a cold, dark world we live in.

*Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55” starts playing*

Josh Bell, digital reporter

Beatdown at There

Myrtle Beach police responded after a group of men beat two others unconscious outside of a nightclub, according to a police report.

Apparently they COULDN’T dance if they wanted to. They couldn’t leave their friends behind. Because their friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance then they’re…OK. Moving on.

Officers were called about 4:30 a.m. Tuesday to “Club There” at 516 Eighth Ave. N., which if we’re being totally honest sounds a little too much like a Laurel and Hardy bit.

▪ “Where are you?”

▪ “There.”

▪ “Where is there??”

▪  “It’s here. At Club There.”

*slowly rips hair out*

Once the officers arrived there…at “There”…two victims and several bystanders told them what happened, authorities said.

*Getcha popcorn ready*

At about 4:10 a.m. a silver Honda Accord pulled up and about five to six men approached a 27-year-old man and a 23-year-old man.

Words were briefly exchanged between the men and then a fight broke out, resulting in the 27-year-old victim being knocked out in front of the club and laying unconscious for several minutes. Makes me wonder if he had to feed the meter.

Not to be outdone, the 23-year-old victim was also beaten to the point of unconsciousness.

Police said both victims were very intoxicated and dazed from injuries. The 27-year-old victim told police that the fight happened because he is Russian and the suspects are from Uzbekistan. Which is a DIRECT plot line from the 2008 hit game “Grand Theft Auto 4.”

The 23-year-old victim told police the brawl broke out because the 27-year-old victim was promoting an upcoming party that conflicted with the other group’s event, authorities said, which begs the question, have these people never heard of Craigslist?

Club security told police that they tried to break up the fight, but simply didn’t have the man power, according to the report.

Once the two victims were knocked out, the group left the scene, because OBVIOUSLY.

Authorities are investigating the incident.

Josh Bell, digital reporter

Jumped at the frog

Police are trying to figure out why a fight that started at Broadway at the Beach migrated to a nearby hotel.

The fight that erupted at Senor Frogs Thursday morning didn’t stop there, police said.

The victims said they continued to fight after returning to the Bermuda Sands Motel.

One man said he didn’t really want to fight, but someone punched him the face, and well, it was on.

After that, the story becomes so convoluted, it’s unsure who punched who at the very loud, frog-themed restaurant.

Friends of friends apparently jumped into the fray, and bystanders were also involved after the fight moved to the hotel.

The original jumper could not be found.

Not surprising, no arrests have been made.

Blue Light Special is a roundup of the Myrtle Beach area’s weird and wild crime, written with a saracastic and/or humorous twist. It is meant as a parody. Don’t take it too seriously; we don’t.

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