Celia Rivenbark

Oh, to redo the EU vote

So the Brits want a do-over, eh? Turns out the “Leave” proponents didn’t exactly tell the whole truth about how it was going to play out once the United Kingdom exited the European Union. Sorry old chums.

So now we see baffled Brits kvetching to the news media about how they were misled and can they, pretty please, have the chance to vote all over again. (Short answer: No.)

The Leave folks say it will all work out. Sort of. Cheerio!

I can’t help but recall the famous Monty Python skit in which a man in a sword fight loses both his arms and legs but resolves to keep fighting. Reduced to nothing more than a shrieking torso, he insists: “Tis just a flesh wound!”

And now we see that a great anxiety has gripped the U.K. as it examines its missing extremities. The ripples have been felt all the way across the pond to my 401-Kaput. Thanks ever so.

It’s as if all of Britain is having a collective bellyache after too much Pimms and mushy peas the night before. Oh, if only they could take back that unfortunate vote.

Which is exactly the way we’ll feel if Donald Trump is elected in November. You see those interviews with the Brits who can’t believe they were lied to about health care and subsidies for the legitimately needy? Drink it in, mate.

Not everything the British do is worth emulating. Sure, we love “Downton Abbey” and that nanny that comes to America to wrangle our unruly spoiled American toddlers but, honestly, what else have they given us that’s truly useful lately?

At this point, I return to the wisdom of Monty Python. When told to “Bring out your dead” a lone objector points out, as he’s being tossed onto the heap, “But I’m not dead yet!”

We’re not either. Although we’re bound to suffer a few flesh wounds between now and Election Day. And if, come November, we elect the seedy orange that is Donald Trump, we will deserve exactly what we get.

In Scotland, which overwhelmingly voted to remain in the EU, Trump, visiting his golf course there, mistakenly praised them for taking their country back. Now where have we heard that phrase?

I’ll admit I didn’t know much about Scotland’s sense of humor but thought a country that could remain cheerful despite the dreary weather AND haggis was to be admired. But it was the avalanche of Twitter comments reacting to Trump’s error that made me realize this is a country that knows how to hurl a clever insult. American insults are tepid in comparison. We really need to work on that.

“We voted to stay in the EU you hamster brain. Go boil your head!”

“Go away, you tiny-fingered Cheeto-faced ferret wearing (poo) monkey!”

Trump was also labeled a “leather-faced tobogganist” (?) while many other reactions were hilarious but sadly unprintable in a family newspaper. The whole thing has me rethinking haggis. Clearly, these are a wise people.

Celia Rivenbark is the New York Times best-selling author of “Rude B****** Make Me Tired.” Visit www.celiarivenbark.com.

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