Celia Rivenbark

From the Belle Tower | Wacky Duggars do themselves in

Josh Duggar, executive director of FRC Action, speaks in favor the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act at the Arkansas state Capitol in Little Rock, Ark. Tony Perkins, president of the Washington-based Christian lobbying group, said Thursday, May 21, 2015, that he has accepted the resignation of Duggar in the wake of the reality TV star's apology for unspecified bad behavior as a young teen.
Josh Duggar, executive director of FRC Action, speaks in favor the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act at the Arkansas state Capitol in Little Rock, Ark. Tony Perkins, president of the Washington-based Christian lobbying group, said Thursday, May 21, 2015, that he has accepted the resignation of Duggar in the wake of the reality TV star's apology for unspecified bad behavior as a young teen. The Associated Press file photo

I’ve been writing about those wacky Duggars forever it seems. Maybe even since the “one fertilized egg and counting” days. A really long time is all I’m saying.

For years, they were my go-to when it came time to nose around for “well, at least I’m not as crazy as … ” territory. They were more fun than the Kraptashians and even the Littlest Couple, whom I seriously adore because, well, what kind of jerk doesn’t root for the (extremely) little guy in life?

But while the Littlest Couple always demonstrated oversized compassion and decency, the Duggars just took their dogma out for a too-long walk every week and left me scratching my noggin. Not because they decided to have 19 kids (and counting! presumably counting down till Michelle’s uterus finally cried “funny uncle” and just stopped all that nonsense).

I just never bought the whole butter-churning, “no kiss till the wedding day” manufactured wholesomeness.

So I was sad but not surprised to read that oldest son Josh molested his little sisters (and one nonrelative) BEFORE the family even got the contract for their hugely popular TV show.

I’m guessing the folks at the TLC network would’ve appreciated a head’s up from pious daddy Jim Bob Duggar about the fact that his oldest son, the canary in this crazy coal mine if you will, had already been “sent off” to be reprogrammed for molestation tendencies.

Yep. If Jim Bob was the upright, honest man o’ God that he claimed to be, I’m pretty sure he would’ve mentioned it. Not Michelle because she didn’t have time to notice between playing on her autoharp and dropping another kid between the front porch and the kitchen.

Bless her heart.

I guess when a TV network comes around offering sacks full of cash and fame, fabulous fame, it’s hard to say no. So you sweep a few molestation charges under the rug the family hooked together one lazy afternoon and say, “Where do I sign?”

Greed and ego took a seat on the front pew and, well, those little girls better not say anything to the TV people about how the firstborn was coping with the rules of the house.

The rosy-cheeked matriarch Michelle might have taken this opportunity to say, “No, Jim Bob, we can’t go on TV telling people how wonderfully perfect our family life is because you know this whole molestation thing is gonna blow up like a squirrel in a microwave some day, and when it does, it’s gonna hurt our daughters most of all.”

I know. I crack myself up.

There will always be lots of folks who spring to the Duggars’ defense and say God has forgiven Josh, and they should be allowed to move on. Forgiveness and faith are wonderful things, to be sure. But instead of pausing and rethinking their parenting style, they chose to show off their loony lifestyle as an example of godly purity for the rest of us. Hubris, thy name is Duggar.

CELIA RIVENBARK is the New York Times best-selling author of “Rude B****** Make Me Tired.” Visit www.celiarivenbark.com.

  Comments