If we were a little more Chinese, we might call it the Year of the Hair.
I’m talking about the current presidential race, where one of several sideshows in the run to the big top is the competing hairstyles of the various candidates.
Take Bernie Sanders. He’s apparently hat-challenged and when he’s outside, in a breeze, Bernie looks a bit like the wacky professor in “Back to the Future.” Inside, of course, his hair looks fine for a guy in his 70s — and I say that as an expert on 70-year-old hair.
Over three decades in the national spotlight, Hillary’s hair has been the subject of many conversations, most of them catty. These days her hair style been overridden by her emails. We’re waiting for the FBI to tell us how many were sent to her hairdresser.
Donald Trump’s hair needs no introduction. He’s worn it that way forever and was the subject of jokes long before he became a candidate (paging David Letterman).
Now that he’s the GOP frontrunner it’s such a big deal that he actually asked a woman to come up and pull on it. To see that it’s real. She tugged at a little sideburn and agreed it was real.
The true test would have been to grab the blond mop on top of his head and pull. Thing is, she was a South Carolinian and much too genteel for such a blatant act.
Trump, of course, is no Sanders. He wears a baseball cap in the wind, keeping his heavily sprayed comb-over safely under wraps.
We probably should not make fun of one’s natural-born hair, but if we’re talking hair, we must mention the Rand Paul. Does a messy bird actually live atop his head?
Scott Walker bowed out the other day, but not before his own hair came under fire, though not literally.
Not sure how the matter arose, but he offered a bizarre explanation for a balding spot in the middle of his head: He hit his head on a sink and it turned bald.
Whoa, you mean I too could use that as an excuse? Thanks, Gov.
None of this means much when it comes to electing a president, of course, but it ought go down among other non-issues that have so far made it to the forefront of Campaign 2016. Sanders said as much, speaking to Times Magazine:
“When the media worries about what Hillary’s hair looks like or what my hair looks like, that’s a real problem.”
Guilty as charged, Senator.
Contact Bob Bestler at firstname.lastname@example.org.