Blog | Advice to my younger self: The perfect woman is 50 shades of gray

We don’t get many do-overs in life, but if I had one and could advise my 23-year-old self (I’m 42 today), I’d tell him the perfect woman would be something like this:

She’d be about 5 foot 3 inches tall.

She’d have various hairstyles throughout life and go through a period in which she struggled to feel great about that aspect of herself, then would probably settle on something like dreadlocks because she doesn’t love spending a lot of time - and money - in the hairdresser’s chair and would come to value herself over other people’s perceptions.

As an unexpected bonus, the locks would make her only more beautiful.

She’d have a small waist and a curvy lower body that would make it hard for her to find clothes off the rack that fit her well. Either the waist of the pants or skirt would be too large or the legs and butt area too tight.

She’d have small feet.

She’d be so short her kids would likely be taller than her mid-way through middle school.

She would have probably suffered through silly bullying (that didn’t feel silly at the time) on the bus and in school as a youngster because young boys and girls are often dumb and can’t recognize a true beauty before she fully blossoms.

She’d likely have grown up in a large family, maybe as one of its youngest members, causing her to have to develop a strong voice and compassion and insight that would serve her well later in life.

She would have made mistakes like every man and woman on the planet, but because of grit, determination and humility, she would not only have learned from them, she would have allowed them to make her even stronger.

She’d probably have mocha-colored skin and be roughly, wild guesstimate here, 9 days younger than me.

She’d help me produce a beautiful son and daughter.

Her intellect would be vast and deep, probably enough to help pursue and earn her a doctorate in something like, um, learning and leadership, or something similar.

She would be able to command a stage every time she stood on one, either behind a microphone or on a catwalk.

She’d be so on fire about helping and loving others she’d pursue things most others wouldn’t or can’t, like reaching out to help the most vulnerable kids among us, just because she can.

She’d struggle along with me if I ever got so sick we’d both think I’m about to die.

She’d never love our kids any less, despite the mistakes they make and the frustrations they cause.

She’d confide in me about her fears and triumphs and love it when I confided in her about mine.

She’d bend over laughing and have to remove her glasses and wiper her eyes when I told inappropriate jokes.

She’d tried to reassess her life and our relationship when things get rocky to make them better while never taking for granted what we have.

She’d be simply perfect.

The last thing I’d tell me 23-year-old self about her:

If you ever met such a woman, you’d be a fool not to snatch her up, and an even bigger one if you ever let her go.

But as we all know, 20/20 is hindsight.

I didn’t know all those things then. Fortunately, I lucked into something special any way.

This story was originally published February 13, 2015 at 9:43 AM with the headline "Blog | Advice to my younger self: The perfect woman is 50 shades of gray ."