New qualifications to become president of the U.S.

Applications are being taken for the office of President Of The United States.

The Applicants must meet the following conditions of employment:

1) Applicant must release his tax returns.

2) Applicant must be evaluated by two independent psychiatrists.

3) Applicant must release his full medical records.

4) Applicant must not have a history of grabbing women by the crotch and then bragging about it.

5) Applicant must work for the people of the United States for their best interests and not for his personal best interests.

6) Applicant must be humble and not keep bragging about himself.

7) Applicant will not lie or make fun of the disabled.

8) Applicant must act like an adult and not a 5-year-old.

9) Applicant must speak above a fifth-grade level, and in complete sentences.

10) Applicant will not call anyone childish names like “Little Marco” or “Crooked Hillary.”

11) Applicant will not praise dictators just because they called him smart. He will know what a true military hero is.

12) Applicant will respect the press and answer their questions.

13) Applicant's wife will move into the White House and be a First Lady.

14) Applicant will sell all his assets to be sure he does not have any conflicts of interest.

15) Applicant will be seen in public and not hide out at his home, or other places he owns and controls.

16) Applicant will have his natural hair even if bald.

17) Applicant will not paint his face orange.

18) Applicant will respect women even though he may think they are ugly.

19) Applicant will not have his family members in any position to do with the applicant being president.

20) Applicant will not tweet.

21) Applicant will not have anyone telling the public what applicant really said or meant.

22) Applicant must settle all lawsuits pending that he brought or against him.

23) Applicant cannot declare bankruptcy on behalf of the United States when he wastes taxpayers money on projects like building a wall or deporting 11 million Muslims.

24) Applicant cannot have dementia, or be a narcissistic psychopath with delusions of grandeur or a pathological liar.

25) Applicant and his wife must prove their citizenship, and applicant must have read the Constitution Of The United States.

This is an equal opportunity employer. Republicans, Democrats and Independents may apply.

Please send your resume to the White House in Washington, D.C.

The writer lives in Pawleys Island.

This story was originally published January 28, 2017 at 11:00 AM with the headline "New qualifications to become president of the U.S.."