Issac Bailey

What Myrtle Beach needs: More Donald Trump, more Bikefest and another GOP debate

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks at a rally and picnic, Saturday, July 25, 2015, in Oskaloosa, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks at a rally and picnic, Saturday, July 25, 2015, in Oskaloosa, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall) AP

Today, I offer up my official, sincere support for the efforts of the Myrtle Beach City Council to bring a GOP presidential debate back to Myrtle Beach.

Heck, I might let someone photograph me in a string bikini on the boardwalk if it would help. (Might.) I mean, how could the GOP resist after seeing such a thing?

This has to happen. Think back to 2008 when Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton stood on the stage at The Palace Theatre and called each other a stooge for a Chicago slumlord and an evil Wal-Mart board member while John Edwards -- yes, John Edwards -- tried to stand above the fray and pretend to be an adult who wasn’t secretly cheating on a cancer-stricken wife.

Or just remember what happened in 2012 at the Myrtle Beach Convention Center. Newt Gingrich stood in the heart of the Bible Belt -- with numerous personal, “immoral” skeletons in his closet -- and commanded the stage by using a cheap, emotionally effective debate trick by attacking one of the moderators.

It worked so well for him he won South Carolina’s primary and broke the state’s long streak of correctly picking the eventual GOP nominee.

Can you imagine Donald Trump (and his hair) on that stage?

Sure, Trump has already visited the Myrtle Beach area and wowed state tea partiers while giving poor area journalists a peak inside his private plane. But can we ever really get enough of Trump?

If we can have more Bikefest -- as some organizers are trying to make happen this fall -- the least we can do is make sure Trump returns, too, to balance things out.

In fact, as a colleague pointed out, how great would it be to see Trump at a fall Bikefest, showing he’s serious about getting more of the minority vote?

Imagine Trump’s likeness on those cool political sculptures the Chamber made famous in ‘08 and ‘12. Would his hair look any better carved into beach sand?

Imagine Trump at a Myrtle Beach economic development meeting telling residents how to dump financial obligations the way he did.

Imagine Trump on the back of a high-powered motorcycle built in the same country his signature ties are manufactured, Trump being driven around by a muscled young black dude, with Trump’s butt propped up in the air.

Yeah, we are supposed to get serious about this presidential politics stuff, considering that we are on the brink of the End of Days because gay people are a little less legally unequal. And we are supposed to take Trump seriously, despite his having to talk about reports about now retracted claims by his ex-wife (one of them) that he had “violated” her, despite his talk about rapey “illegals,” no matter his past statements about “the blacks” loving him.

But Trump is atop GOP polls and has not yet said anything as outrageous as Mike Huckabee -- who said President Obama was essentially walking Jews to the oven door -- or Lindsey Graham -- who said ISIL might kill us all.

And he seems to rise in the polls every time TV pundits and snot-nosed, wet-behind-the-ears columnists make fun of him.

We need to do whatever it takes to get a GOP debate here. We desperately need more Trump.