Q: Me and my husband have been together eight years and he’s so disgusting. He thinks nothing of bringing the paper into the bathroom “to read” whenever I step into the shower or am in there doing my hair and makeup. I complain, but then he does it again. He also clips his toenails in the bathroom and leaves them there. It’s gross. Do you have any advice short of his and her bathrooms?
Steve: Lock the door when you are in there. Discuss some basic cleanliness, and promise him a present if he cleans up his act.
Mia: Steve’s right. But don’t get it twisted. That dude is taking you for granted. Once a man gets that comfortable with you, it’s hard to get him to dial things back. But there are things you try.
When he comes “to read,” get out of the shower immediately. Apologize profusely for hogging the bathroom. Announce in a loud voice, “Let me give you some privacy,” and ask him to let you know when he’s finished. (Do this with a smile, but leave the hot water running too so the bathroom gets really hot and steamy and he can’t even see his book.) Do this each and every time he comes in “to read,” and he’ll eventually learn that you don’t think he should be in there reading while you’re showering.
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As for the nail clipping, I’d say to let that go. In life and in marriage, it’s important to know which battles are worth fighting. Good luck to you.
Q: My problem is unusual. I’m a woman with a gay best friend whom I’ve known since he moved into my building. We spend a lot of time together. The other day, we were both drunk out of our minds and one thing led to another and we ended up hooking up.
It was really good and I can’t stop thinking about it. I know I shouldn’t, since I really want to be in a relationship, but it’s been more than a year since I’ve done anything with anybody. I know I’m rambling but I’m so confused. I’m not the first woman he’s had sex with either, but as long as I’ve known him, he’s been into men. What do I do? Help!
Mia: I hope the sex was worth it. You’ve sent your friendship into the awkward zone. How are you going to feel the next time you see your gay best friend leaving the building on a date with a guy? My advice is to talk with him about what happened and to prepare yourself for a roller coaster of emotions. Hopefully, you can still be friends on the other side of things.
Steve: You need to sit down and have a talk with him about his romance notions. I’m guessing he’s noncommittal. If it’s romance to you, you may want to take a break.
Steve is a 50-something married man who’s been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers.