Q: I was having sex with this guy I’m seeing, and, out of the blue, he started hollering out things like, “Yes! That’s it, that’s it!” At one point, he started calling out my name. It was really loud, so loud that I completely lost the mood. I told him about it, but he started up again the next time he came over. What do you think?
Mia: I think you should stay at his house. That way, if he starts calling out your name, anybody who hears it won’t know who you are.
Steve: How do you know he wasn’t thinking about a new invention?
Q: I started having feelings for a man I met at my gym, and I came out to my wife about a month ago. It was hard, but I love her and she still loves me. We met in school and we’re still together for the sake of the kids. I’m happy to stop lying to her about where I am when she thinks I’m on the job or working out. The problem is, I’m ready to start living life as a gay man. We live a low-key life, and she has asked me to keep my preferences quiet for the sake of appearances. I agreed because I didn’t want to hurt her. But my friend is getting impatient. We want to spend all night together instead of sneaking around. I’m tired of living a lie.
Mia: Congratulations for telling your wife the truth about your sexuality. Now you need to keep communicating so you can figure out how to co-parent your children. That should be your No. 1 priority.
Get in touch with the local chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and start talking to people who’ve been where you are now.
How you negotiate this phase of your relationship will set the tone for years to come. You may have to cool it with lover boy until you get your family situated.
Steve: Don’t worry about appearances. Your wife should take the lead in the conversation with PFLAG. Together you can work out a path to take so that you are able to live openly while still being a good parent to your kids.
Steve is a 50-something married man who’s been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers.