Nipples. They’re small. They’re big. They’re dark, and some are light. Despite what Gaylord Focker from “Meet the Parents” may believe, not all of them milk. But, there’s a mysterious allure to nipples. As guys, we picture what your nipples look like under that bathing suit.
It’s sad, but it’s true. We see our nipples all the time, but there’s something about the covered nipple that sends us in a frenzy. In fact, some people have made a good living on perfectly proportioned nipples surrounded by firm breasts.
With the “Free the Nipple” protest in Brighton Park just finishing, it prompted us to ask: “Is America ready to free the nipple for equality?”
Yes it is
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Is America ready to free the nipple for equality?
Well let’s look at that sentence for a second. “Free the nipple for equality.” Equality. EQUAL. How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing I can whip my nipple out at any given time with no repercussions whatsoever, but you, the opposite sex, aren’t allowed to do the same? What is this, 1850? Women can still vote, right?
And besides. With equality in mind, how is it fair, that you, the America woman, get to ogle my man nipples all day long while I sit in the wave pool at the waterpark in 90 degree weather while I, I, the American male have to sit and wonder if you’re packing silver dollar pancakes, or FDR dime-sizers? This IS still America right? What are we telling future generations when we show them that nipples are fine, but nipples that are SLIGHTLY further away from the body are a portal to hell and should not be talked about? We all have nipples, America. And they should be celebrated, not hidden underneath a staircase in the home of a British family who doesn’t appreciate them. Nipples have their own energy, or life force, if you will. Their natural environment is blowing in the wind. Why don’t you send them home? Their bags are packed, they have their pIane ticket. Bring them to the airport. Send them home.
No, it is not
Empowerment and equality are a mindset. Build a strong, confident young lady, and get yourself a powerful woman. Symbolically, this is cute. But I don’t want to see my daughter’s, my mother’s or my neighbor’s nipples to say ‘Hooray for equality!’
I could just imagine “Free the Nipple” turn into “Free the Va-jay-jay.” Then what? We start justifying that cause by saying “All of us came out of one, so why can’t I go bottomless?”
This idea wreaks of an abusive man sitting in a basement and watching it unfold as now women are standing behind the cause saying, “Let me show my nipples because men do it!” And the guy who started it is sweating with excitement as the issue sporadically comes to a climax. And just where has that gotten you for women’s equality?