Q: I went all out for Christmas, and my woman was very happy. Now she wants me to go all out for Valentine’s Day. Should I tone it down next year?
Steve: For romance, nothing beats Valentine’s Day. Think of it as your Super Bowl. You have to give the best you possibly can, make no turnovers or misreads. Give it 100 percent, show her your best, and your woman will make you a winner. Now go out there and do it!
Mia: Dude, you want it both ways. You want your woman to hop up and down when, say, the big game is on, but when it’s something for her like Valentine’s Day, then the timing isn’t right or it’s too expensive. Whine. Whine. Whine. Get with the program. You can keep complaining that Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday and have your girl pouting, or you can make a stop at Victoria’s Secret and pick up something pretty that makes her smile. The choice is yours.
Q: I recently read the “advice” you gave to a man who was turned off by his girlfriend’s small breasts.
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While I understand your not wanting to support someone who might be superficial, you should also consider that sometimes our likes and dislikes can affect our sexual attraction to another person and that, in some cases, it is completely out of our control. There are definitely certain characteristics that each of us finds appealing, and, conversely, some that we don’t.
I have been seeing a wonderful woman for about three-and-a-half months. She is sweet and kind and doesn’t bring any “drama” to the relationship. There have been times I have thought, “Could this be the one?”
She is attractive, but very different in body type than I have usually gone out with. The problem is when we are together in bed, I have difficulty getting or staying aroused. This hasn’t been a problem I have experienced in the past. I keep hoping that her great qualities will win out and that this problem will go away, but I am beginning to think it won’t.
I don’t know how to tell her my thoughts on this, or if there is some type of counseling I can get. I don’t believe that I am superficial, just someone who is obviously affected by my personal likes. I hope you can appreciate how difficult this is for me and others in similar situations.
Mia: What’s the point of telling her your thoughts? You’ve checked out what she has to offer, and she’s come up flat-chested. Don’t over-complicate things. Physically, she doesn’t do it for you. You have to move on to someone who is much more buxom. Good luck.
Steve: “Love, Lord above, now you’re tryna’ trick me in love.” Just think of yourself as Bad Company. Our love choices are always a mix. How important is kindness and decency as opposed to utter selfishness? How important is mental stability, as opposed to stone crazy? What if the totally selfish, stone-crazy gal is beautiful and gives you the best sex ever? Would you try to trick her _ or yourself _ in love? Bad move. Tossing a wonderful woman because of lack of attraction is unfortunate. Perhaps you could stick with her to explore sexuality that might bring you around. Then she’d be a winner on all sides of love. But if you try that, have an answer when she asks you, “Look, what’s your game, baby?
“Are you tryna’ put me to shame? “
Steve is a 50-something married man who’s been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers.