Manziel is having a tough week, and halftime at the Super Bowl was awkward

Beyoncé, Coldplay singer Chris Martin and Bruno Mars perform during halftime of the NFL Super Bowl 50 football game Sunday, Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif.
Beyoncé, Coldplay singer Chris Martin and Bruno Mars perform during halftime of the NFL Super Bowl 50 football game Sunday, Feb. 7, 2016, in Santa Clara, Calif. AP

Well, it’s finally happened. Johnny Manziel has broken himself.

It’s really fascinating, to be honest, because I don’t think anyone has ever fallen so quickly, and it just doesn’t stop. As soon as you think he’s hit rock bottom, he goes and robs a liquor store. OK well not yet, right now it’s just domestic abuse, BUT the victim has decided to press charges and Johnny Football will need money at some point right?

Let’s take a look at the timeline of events:

Jan. 30

Police respond to a 911 call at Johnny’s ex-girlfriend, Colleen Crowley’s house for a “possible” assault, which is police code for an actual assault.

Jan. 31

Paul Football, Johnny’s father, attempted to get his son to enter the Enterhealth Ranch addiction facility in Van Alstyne, Texas, but Johnny had better things to do like go to Vegas in disguise and supposedly punch his ex-girlfriend in the head several times.

Feb. 2

Manuel’s father again tried to have the younger Football admitted to a psychiatric and chemical dependency hospital in Carrollton, Texas, but his son was allowed to leave, because patients can do that. Media reported that Johnny’s father told a Denton County sheriff that he believed his son was suicidal. From a career standpoint, daddy’s right.

To make matters worse, the Browns released an official statement that basically said, “Holy CRAP dude can you just chill for five seconds? You’re clearly screwing your entire life up, we’ll address your employment in a few weeks.”

It’s pretty bad when the BROWNS don’t want you regardless of talent.

Feb. 3

Johnny’s ex files a restraining order to protect her from him. Really all she’s got to do is put on a Browns jersey, he’s never hit anyone in a Browns jersey.

Feb. 4

Fort Worth police release the incident report for Manziel’s assault charge on his ex-girlfriend. The highlights:

  • Crowley said Manziel acted “as if he were on some kind of drugs,” but not intoxicated.
  • Manziel drove Crowley home, saying he didn’t want her to drive while intoxicated. To be honest I would be more concerned with him driving while Johnny Manziel. Crowley said Manziel then hit her several times in the car, stating, “shut up or I’ll kill us both.” Crowley reports she has lost hearing in her left ear as a result of a blow from Manziel.

Feb. 5

Johnny Manziel’s agent Erik Burkhardt peaces out, dropping Manziel as a client. One month earlier, LeBron James announces he is dropping Manziel as a client in his LRMR marketing firm.

Worst. Week. Ever. Somebody get this man a Snickers.

On the opposite end of that spectrum, a young group of gentlemen who had the BEST week ever got to perform in this year’s Super Bowl 50 halftime show. Apparently you can just put in for it, and it happens. Kudos to the NFL’s attempt to soften their image by allowing Coldplay to “headline” the Super Bowl halftime show alongside Beyonce and Bruno Mars.

Lady Gaga did a fine job belting out the National Anthem, but I still find it difficult to take someone seriously whom I’m expected to call “Lady Gaga.” It’s a very muppet-esque name.

The halftime show, however. Hmm. Let’s all be honest with ourselves. We knew it was going terrible, and that’s fine. But for me, it wasn’t so much terrible as it was super awkward and embarrassing.

Chris Martin seemed like a Make-A-Wish kid who won the opportunity to appear in the halftime show with Bruno and Queen Bey. Just watching the performance you could tell he wanted so very badly to be a part of things.

As soon as Bruno Mars showed up it was fun watching Chris Martin trying to find things to do while he performed. When Beyonce appeared, the NFL Films crew wisely stopped panning to Martin altogether. At that point Mars and Mrs. Z (sounds like a science fiction romance novel) jumped into a back-and-forth collaboration while Chris Martin ran to the restroom really quick, getting back just in time for the beginning of the second half. Restrooms were SURPRISINGLY crowded during the halftime show.