Blue Light Special | A bitten finger, a gun in a wheelchair and Punchway at the Beach

Woman charged for biting off part of Wal-mart employee’s finger during altercation

Oh, Wal-Mart. You never cease to bring us heartwarming tales of joy. Like this one!

A woman is facing charges after reportedly biting off part of Wal-mart employee’s finger during an altercation on Sunday. That’ll teach them to keep their measly fingers out of her cart.

Carolynn Wright (yes, the Myrtle Beach stripper who assaulted another dancer with her shoe) faces assault and battery charges for the incident that started when she tried to take a number of items from the Seaboard Street store around 2 p.m., according to a Myrtle Beach Police report. By “items,” we of course mean condoms, lubricant, panties, a camisole, bra, and clothing. First off what’s the plan here? How are we getting all of these things out of the store without having to bite someone’s finger off? And two, if you ever need a list of things required to have an amazing party, this is that list.

Officers said in the report that when they arrived on scene, they noticed a piece of a finger belonging to a loss prevention officer who worked for Wal-mart. An image that will haunt my dreams from here to eternity.

The victim reported that, along with another loss prevention officer, she had attempted to stop Wright from leaving the store after they noticed her hiding merchandise, because duh. At this point, police reports say an altercation ensued.

Police said Wright punched one of the Wal-mart employees in the side of the head (always a good move). She also reportedly bit down on the other employee’s finger, refusing to let go, ultimately causing a portion of the victim’s finger to be bitten off.

A customer tried to help by attempting to call 911. According to police reports, the woman dropped her phone, and before she could pick it up, Wright grabbed it and would not let it go. When the customer reached to get her phone back, Wright reportedly grabbed the customer’s hair, and in an attempt to free herself, the customer told police she punched the offender in the face.

When Wright finally got away, she ran to a vehicle waiting for her outside. The driver told police Wright told him to “run” and “drive!” He told police, at that point, someone was standing in front of his vehicle blocking his way. And this is where our story ends.

The police report said the loss prevention officer injured in the incident required stitches and her finger tip was not able to be reattached. If that’s not the best bar story you’ve ever heard that didn’t happen in a bar, then I don’t know what is.

Officials: Chester teacher finds gun in student’s wheelchair

Authorities say an elementary school teacher found a gun in a student’s wheelchair in a Chester classroom.

According to news outlets, a report from the Chester County Sheriff’s Office says a teacher at Chester Park Elementary School of Inquiry realized that a student in a wheelchair was sitting on a gun Thursday. Talk about being on the hot seat. The teacher lifted the student from the wheelchair and quietly removed the gun, thus ending the most uneventful struggle over a deadly weapon in the history of wheelchair-related...gun...incidents.

Officials think the student unintentionally took the gun to school. Wait. So the student accidentally sat on a gun that was already in his or her chair and headed to school unbeknownst to them? That’s terrific. It’s unclear who owns the gun or whether it was loaded.

Chester County Interim School Superintendent Keith Callicutt said in a statement that the teacher and school officials followed protocol by having the school’s safety officer take possession of the gun.

Police respond after Myrtle Beach buildings hit by bullets

Myrtle Beach police are investigating after two apartment buildings and a car were sprayed by bullets Saturday, and several roads were closed overnight while police investigated.

Somewhere, Ice Cube is writing a song about this.

Officers were called about 1 a.m. Saturday to an apartment building in the 600 block of 36th Avenue North after getting reports of shots fired in the area, according to an incident report.

A responding officer noted he heard many more calls about shots being fired on his way there. Upon arriving, the officer closed down 35th Avenue North while other officers blocked off 36th and 37th Avenues North to investigate, authorities said.

About 40 shell casings were found in the roadway and outside a building on 36th Avenue North, police said.

Witnesses in the area said they heard multiple gunshots being fired and said they saw men getting into a gold-color car and leave the scene, according to the report.

A car parked near one of the buildings had been hit by three bullets, and another car nearby had two bullet ricochet marks, police said. State Farm agents were on standby.

A building had been struck by multiple bullets, and another building nearby had also been hit several times, authorities said. The building does not seem to be interested in pressing charges.

Myrtle Beach police listed the incident as a weapon’s law violation, and no one was listed as injured in the incident in the police report. Except the building.

Authorities noted the investigation is ongoing.

Woman beaten and robbed at Broadway at the Beach

A 21-year-old woman was beaten and robbed of cash by two men while walking to her car in the Broadway at the Beach parking lot, according to a Myrtle Beach police report.

It sure is a sad day, when you can no longer walk alone at night at Broadway at the Beach without being assaulted. Wait. Nope, nevermind, that’s a normal Saturday.

Officers were called about 2:30 a.m. Saturday to Celebrity Circle at Broadway at the Beach for a strong armed robbery, police said.

The victim told police she was walking to her car with her head down and was opening her car door when two men approached her. She said one man grabbed her from under her arm, placed his hands around her neck, and pulled her to the ground, authorities said.

Guys. They HAVE an ATM right in the middle of Celebrity Circle, there are better ways.

She was then punched four to five times by one of the suspects, and she tried to fight him off, police said.

Her purse, which had been wrapped around her body, started to fall off her, and a suspect took it off her body. One of the suspects snatched her purse off the ground and took about $50 cash out of it, authorities said. Chivalry truly is dead.

The suspects then took off running westbound toward U.S. 17 Bypass and left her purse behind, the victim said.

She then called her brother, who works at Broadway at the Beach, and he flagged down an officer in the area, according to the report.

No arrests had been made later Saturday morning, and police noted the investigation is ongoing in the report.

Blue Light Special is a roundup of the Myrtle Beach area’s weird and wild crime, written with a saracastic and/or humorous twist. It is meant as a parody. Don’t take it too seriously; we don’t.