What’s Law Got to Do with It? Exploring the First Year of Same-Sex Marriage in Horry County

What a difference a year makes. I look at pictures from the nuptials of Jon Harmon and Mark Pokrant, provided from various media websites. They are the first same-sex couple to get a marriage license in Horry County on Nov. 20, 2014. Cameras are jammed over their shoulders as they sign the license. I read about how they had to wait 24 hours and one minute between signing the document and getting married—one day and 60 seconds more, before they tie the knot, after Harmon and Pokrant had been together for more than 25 years. They stand in the hallway of a county clerk’s office, as cameras flank them, waiting to capture this milestone—these minutes in a quarter-century relationship.

Then, I look at the photos taken from same-sex weddings in the year since Harmon and Pokrant.

I get a totally different impression. There are no bland hallways, no hovering media. The pressure of being first is over—no need for headlines. These are just more weddings—full of smiling people and wedding cakes. They’re just couples in love, getting married.

But is all this a matter of timing? Have political debates and open discussions flushed out bigotry and helped dissipate prejudice? Has the Grand Strand really acclimated so quickly to same-sex marriage? Have we moved on to other shiny issues or circled back to darker debates like terrorism and left marriage equality to live in peace? I seek some answers with some couples who have had the opportunity to get legally hitched and the organizations who have been fighting to help adapt to the change.

We’ll also look back at the history of marriage equality, because there are plenty of powerful people working to reverse the changes and doom South Carolina to repeat it.

The Policing Pair – To Have and To Hold

Harmon and Pokrant didn’t want to participate in this article. I don’t blame them. When I researched material for this topic, I came across a couple of Facebook links to articles related to Harmon and Pokrant obtaining their license and getting married.

Underneath those links were comment threads. Congratulatory remarks speckled the threads. But as I scrolled down, I noticed Bible quotes and inflammatory statements about “Judgment day.”

It got worse. The word, “sick,” kept sticking out, and occasionally, the word, “disgusting” would appear. A lot of people wrote, “This is not news.” As if by dismissing the fact that two consenting adults of the same sex had gotten married would make it go away.

To clarify, when two adults are previously told by the country and state in which they reside that their relationship is so immoral it cannot be bonded by law, and in fact, it needs to be banned by the state constitution. Then, this ban is lifted, and those two adults are able to validate their relationship in an expression of equality by bonding with a legal marriage. Yes, this is newsworthy. Yes, this should honor a headline. And yes, this couple should be shown the same respect you would pay any other couple who has suffered a disservice at the hands of bigotry or intolerance.

With this ranted, I don’t blame Harmon and Pokrant for not wanting to climb back onto the media carousel. Instead, I congratulate them and move on to the couples who did talk to me.

I meet Nicole Gasque and Jade Pike for coffee. They’re a couple in their early thirties. They’ve spent the last 10 years dating—on and off, before it got serious. They just got married on Nov. 14, 2015. Aside from both of them working in law enforcement, they’re night and day. Gasque stays up late, loves video games, finds serenity through fishing and could care less if she ever uses the gun she wears on her hip. Pike, on the other hand, is an early riser. She’s detail-oriented and loves adventure. She craves the sound of gun blasts and thinks fishing would be more serene if she were allowed to shoot them.

“We’d originally planned to go up to New York in 2013 and get married and throw a reception back down here,” says Pike. “But then it became legal, so we were able to plan it like normal couples do.”

When Pike says, “normal couples,” the words strike me funny, because these two seem as “normal” as you can get. They reassure each other. They laugh together a lot. When they do disagree—they do it lightly and with a smile. There is nothing that says controversy about these two. Conversely, the pair seems very conservative and respectful. The kind of neighbors anybody would love to have.

Our conversation falls into the negative comments directed toward Harmon and Pokrant, and they both tell me they’ve never received treatment like that. When I ask why they think some people reacted so harshly toward them on social media, Gasque says, “Most of those comments are probably coming from males.”

“For some reason, gay women don’t get as many negative comments as gay men,” says Pike. “For most straight men, the idea of two men together isn’t exciting, but there’s nothing more exciting to them than the idea of two females.”

“In public, we don’t hide or change who we are because someone doesn’t like it, but we don’t go overboard either.” Gasque says.

She looks like she might say more, and when she doesn’t, Pike says, “We used to be very respectful about holding hands when kids were around. Over time, I’ve found that kids are the most accepting. Everyone seems to be more and more accepting.”

Gasque is from Marion, and after they got their license in Horry County, their ceremony was performed at Hidden Acres in Marion County. “Everyone was so helpful,” she says. “A lot of our vendors were excited because we were their first gay couple.”

“The jewelry store gave us a great deal on our rings,” Pike says and spins the ring on her finger. “And some people from the jewelry store actually came to the wedding.”

“And it’s about an hour-and-fifteen minute ride,” adds Gasque.

“All of our vendors were so great,” Pike says. “Our photographer, Randy Turner, gave us a deal.

Gasque laughs. “I think he wanted to add a gay wedding to his portfolio.”

When we talk to Randy Turner later, he’ll tell me Gasque and Pike are “an amazing couple to work with.” He’ll tell me “the whole wedding party had great energy and were very easygoing and fun to work with.”

I’ll know what he means. There’s a certain laidback ease with these two.

Gasque says she always knew she wanted to get married, but Pike says, “I never really wanted to get married. I never had that princess thing.”

Gasque taps Pike’s knee and says, “That’s surprising.”

But the ceremony was everything they both could’ve wished for—a picturesque country setting, a catered event, complete with friends and family. “My sister was in the wedding,” says Gasque. “Most of my friends from work came. Everyone was excited. If they weren’t, they kept their mouths shut.”

“That’s the good thing about law enforcement,” says Pike. “It’s like a family.”

Gasque and Pike are the success story of same-sex marriage. Both of them grew up in the Bible-Belt south. Both of them came out in high school, but neither of them were ever bullied or treated unfairly. Gasque did receive a few years of what she refers to as “heavy resistence” from her family, but Pike says, “Surprisingly, I’ve never had any resistance.”

Aside from love, their reasons for marriage are simple. “We also did this for the legal reasons, and we plan on having kids,” says Gasque.

They also plan on changing their names at some point in the future, but their honeymoon in Costa Rica is definitely happening in the spring.

The History - From This Day Forward

In order to know how this smiling couple fits into the bigger picture, let’s go back and sort through some of this political mumbo-jumbo.

Over in Huntington Park, Calif., the Metropolitan Community Church performs the first public same-sex marriage in 1969. In 1970, the church files the first lawsuit seeking legal recognition for same-sex marriages. Of course, the marriages aren’t recognized, and gay marriage becomes a symbol instead of a legal bond for over two decades.

In 1993, gay couples file discrimination suits against the state of Hawaii for denying them marriage licenses. They win, but not so fast—the judge issues a stay on the ruling, and no licenses are ever issued. Soon, an amendment to the state constitution bans gay marriages.

Bill Clinton signs the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) into law in 1996. DOMA prevents the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages and allows states to treat same-sex marriages as invalid if they live in one state but marry in another state.

Beginning in 1997, states draw battle lines, debates linger and negotiations are answered with civil unions and domestic partnerships. These institutions have limited legal protections, rights and benefits. They look and taste like marriage light.

Massachusetts breaks through and welcomes gay marriage in 2004. Other states start making moves toward legalization in the following years.

In 2006, South Carolinians vote for an amendment to the state constitution banning gay marriage. With the amendment and DOMA in place, the state has a lock and a deadbolt to keep same-sex marriage out of the state.

In 2009, the Civil Union Equality Act is introduced by S.C. State Senator Robert Ford. The act offers civil unions as a consolation prize for that whole constitutional banning thing.

In 2013, the Supreme Court finds section three of DOMA as unconstitutional, stating it violates the Fifth Amendment. Same-sex marriages performed in one state are now recognized across state lines.

In 2013, a South Carolina Highway Patrol Trooper Katherine Bradacs and her partner get married in Washington D.C., but live in South Carolina. The couple files a lawsuit against South Carolina, challenging the state “discriminates on the basis of sex.” The suit also states, “Neither traditional nor moral disapproval of same-sex relationships or marriage for gay and lesbian couples is a legitimate basis for unequal treatment of same-sex couples under the law.”

In March of 2014, Cathy Swicegood of Greenville, S.C. seeks a legal divorce from her same-sex partner of 13 years under the protections of the common law statute.

By September of 2014, other states are stamping marriage certificates like crazy. Same-sex marriages are legal in 19 states and Washington D.C. South Carolina and 31 other states roll the dice and ask the Supreme Court to make a final ruling on the issue.

In October of 2014, the Supreme Court rejects appeals to constitutionally ban same-sex marriage. Another lawsuit is filed against South Carolina after a Charleston couple applies for a same-sex marriage license and is denied. South Carolina Attorney General Alan Wilson gets involved and argues Bradacs and her partner’s case should be settled in a state court because it’s a question of marital status (a state rights’ issue) and not a federal one.

Julie McEldowney of Lexington County sues South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley and DMV director Kevin Schwedo in October of 2014 after she’s not allowed to change her name to her wife's family name on her driver's license on several occasions. She was married legally in Washington D.C. and had already changed her name with the Social Security Administration.

0n Nov. 10, 2014, U.S. District Judge Michelle Childs rules in favor of South Carolina’s same-sex marriage ban but decides that Bradacs’ case does have federal constitutional merit and shouldn’t move back to the state courts.

U.S. District Judge Richard Gergel strikes down the ban on same-sex marriage on Nov. 12, 2014. Marriage licenses do not start streaming over counters just yet. Red tape is yet to be cut.

S.C. Attorney General Alan Wilson’s is back to request an emergency stay to halt same-sex licenses from being filed on Nov. 13, 2014.

On Nov. 19, 2014, a probate judge in Charleston acts against Wilson’s appeal and issues six licenses to same-sex couples after hearing South Carolina must recognize same-sex marriages performed in Washington D.C. He is immediately ordered to stop by the S.C. Court Administration, but not before Charleston County Council member Colleen Condon and her fiancée Nichols Bleckley are the first same-sex couple to apply for and receive a marriage license in South Carolina.

Nov. 20, 2014: Same-sex marriage licenses are issued across South Carolina. Amongst them are Harmon and Pokrant in Horry County. Wilson’s request for an emergency stay is declined by the U.S. Supreme Court.

In March of 2015, stirrings in the S.C. Senate begin, and a subcommittee calls for a convention to amend the U.S. Constitution. Surprise, surprise—among these amendments is a ban on same-sex marriage.

On June 26, 2015, the dice tumbles to a stop, and the Supreme Court declares same-sex marriages to be just as constitutional as any other marriages and should be afforded the same rights, benefits and protections of all marriages, in other words—equality.

In July of 2015, Wilson vows to keep fighting. He joins 14 chief legal officers from other states in drafting a letter to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and then House Speaker John Boehner, petitioning for tax exemptions for religious organizations that oppose same-sex marriage.

Today, same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states. But if you follow the headlines, you know this is where the problems begin—vendors refusing to provide services or belligerent county clerks made into Republican poster children or churches barring their doors to gay couples.

Is there a group out there on the lookout for potential problems along the Grand Strand? Is there anybody looking out for the LGBT community? You bet there is.

The Activists – For Richer, For Poorer

It’s New Year’s Day, and Takeover Grand Stand is hosting their first Friday Happy Hour of the year. The organization’s executive director Terry Livingston walks me around the hefty crowd at Martin’s Restaurant.

“When we were young, we had to go to gay bars after midnight to socialize,” Livingston motions to his husband Steve Gamble, and they both nod. “Now, it’s five o’clock in the evening, and we’re in a restaurant with everyone else, educating the public that we’re just like them.”

Livingston and Gamble have been together for 32 years. Legally married in Washington D.C. in 2013, but they’ve also worked together for the last 20 years as partners at Gamble & Livingston CPAs.

In 2014, Livingston campaigned to revise the S.C. Department of Revenue’s policies on failures in recognizing legally married same-sex couples. This was the same year they put together Takeover Grand Strand as a public charity. They meet once a month at different locations. Sometimes, it’s for educational purposes. Sometimes, it’s for business. Sometimes, it’s just a night out. The group’s mission is “advancing acceptance of the Grand Strand LGBT community through increased visibility.”

“There’s a lot of education that needs to be done,” Livingston says. “But look around at these successful couples, all having fun, who are we hurting?”

Livingston does think time makes a world of difference.

“In 2006, South Carolina passed the constitutional ban against the recognition of same-sex marriages or civil unions. The referendum was approved by 78 percent of voters,” he says. “I truly believe if another referendum was to be held today, it simply wouldn’t pass. Our community is no longer invisible. People realize there’s nothing to fear. Gay folks are everywhere. We’re productive members of society.”

That doesn’t mean Livingston isn’t aware of the people trying to move time in reverse.

“Earlier in December, S.C. State Representative Bill Chumley pre-filed a 2016 bill that aims to nullify the Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage,” says Livingston. “This is simply another case of South Carolina wasting valuable time and limited money on something that’s simply not going to work. Almost every one of the Republican nominees say the first two things they will do in office is reverse Obama-Care and the marriage-equality ruling.”

This is what Takeover Grand Strand does. Livingston and Gamble keep their heads on a swivel, two beacons for potential problems in the LGBT community—whether it’s the national, state or local level.

Livingston knows about a pastor in Socastee who’s very vocal about not marrying gay couples. He knows about a local business in Myrtle Beach who refused service they quoted after they found out the customers were gay. This is why Livingston and Gamble created the Coastal Business Guild—a resource list of companies who welcome the LGBT community.

“If religions are allowed to discriminate, then so should we,” says Livingston. “If you’re planning a wedding, don’t plan a train wreck. Don’t go to people you know are going to refuse to do your wedding. That’s what we’re all about, setting up a referral network. Myrtle Beach could be a place for destination weddings, where everything is set up or easy to find—the DJ, the caterer, the photographer, the officiant.”

Eric Hunt is a wedding officiant in Myrtle Beach. He’s performed a couple dozen same-sex marriages since it was legalized. He also anticipates local vendors will have ample chances to officiate an even larger number of same-sex weddings in 2016 because the Grand Strand is such a popular location for destination weddings.

“It’s increasingly important that wedding vendors serving the LGBT community take time to understand who the LGBT community is,” says Hunt. “Understand what same sex couples want and need and understand how their experiences and legal options shape their choices.”

Hunt explains some same-sex ceremonies can be non-traditional—guests sometimes sit on both sides of the aisle and some have gender-blended wedding parties (bridesmaids/groomsmen)—I know, seems scandalous, right? But just like a lot of modern straight folks, gay couples choose to “customize their ceremonies to express their personalities and relationships.”

Like us, Hunt has found the majority of same-sex couples he’s officiating for have been in committed long-term relationships. “Many couples stated they’d been together five, 10 and even 15-plus years, prior to marriage,” says Hunt.

The Numbers – For Better, For Worse

According to 2013 estimates from the American Community Survey of the U.S. Census Bureau, there were more than 8,000 same-sex couples living in South Carolina, and more than 550 of these couples resided in Horry County.

Nearly 20 percent of same-sex couples are raising children, and this percentage rises to more than 30 percent after they’re married. Now, we’re talking about families.

The institution of marriage offers these couples and families certain rights, benefits and protections that were previously only available to straight people—more than 1,100 rights, benefits and protections. The right to marry/divorce, hospital visitation, adoption, living wills and inheritance, Medicaid and health insurance, retirement plans, social security benefits, survivor benefits, spousal and child support, child custody, domestic violence protections and taxes benefits are just the tip of these.

These basic liberties and privileges are taken for granted by the straight majority. When deprived of them, it’s no wonder conversations are framed about relationship legalities, and people refer to what is normal and abnormal.

Normal and abnormal is a scientific question, not a political one and certainly not a question to be used lightly by strangers to describe a relationship between two healthy adults. This sort of thinking causes relational divides in communities. When differences are defined as abnormal you prohibit diversity, and prohibiting diversity stifles growth and learning at least. At worst, it destroys the capabilities of a society.

But the majority of the country is moving in support of marriage equality. Pew Research polling has shown a steady climb for the support of same-sex marriage over the past 14 years.

In 2001, Americans opposed same-sex marriage by a 57 percent to 35 percent margin, but the numbers have flipped over the years. In recent 2015 polling, 55 percent of Americans supported same-sex marriage, and the opposition has fallen to 39 percent.

You might think this shift in the majority can be attributed to a generational shift, but the data indicates that the numbers are up in all age demographics in support of same-sex marriage. These figures have also continued to climb across genders, races, religious affiliations and political parties.

The least steep lines on these data charts belong to republicans and conservatives. Republicans have only risen from 21 to 32 percent over the past 14 years, and conservatives have risen from the basement of 18 to 30 percent. At least there’s been a move toward a seat that’s maybe closer to the aisle, even if only a low percentage eventually reaches across.

The Teaching Twosome – In Sickness and In Health

Back at Takeover Grand Strand’s Happy Hour, Terry Livingston wants to give us the go-ahead before we talk to any of the married couples in attendance.

“In the LGBT world there’s a saying,” he says. “You can get married on Saturday and terminated at work on Monday.”

After he gives me a thumbs-up, I meet Patty Knapp who’s been with her partner since 1989. They got married in Washington D.C. in 2013. They’re originally from Ohio and have lived in paperwork and tax hell until their marriage was declared legal. She’s on her way out of the door, but she wants it on the record. “It was a long time coming.”

Then, I meet Scott Scrivner and Robert Kerson. They’ve been together for 18 years. They were married on Sept. 25, 2015. They’re both teachers and love their jobs. Their ceremony was performed by Events at North Beach.

“We love them, and they loved us.” says Scrivner.

As to why they got married, the answer seems easy enough.

“We are both taxpaying citizens like everyone else so we would like to be treated like everyone else,” says Scrivner. “The love is already there. We’ve been together a long time, and nothing is going to change that when you get married. So part of it is for legal reasons and part of it is the recognition, but for me, I think it was pride. I was proud to have an equal celebration like other people.”

Kerson tells a story about a hospital situation when the nurse asked about Scrivner’s next of kin and the nurse condescendingly asked if they were brothers—Kerson is black, and Scrivner is white.

Here’s where you have to ask if a straight couple would’ve been treated the same way while receiving medical treatment. If you’re married, have you ever been asked by a medical professional to see your wedding certificate before you can visit your sick spouse?

They still keep all their marriage paperwork with them at all times, just in case. They’ve chosen to keep their original names. “The name doesn’t matter,” says Scrivner. “The equality and legality is what matters.”

They haven’t had a chance for a honeymoon either, but they’re planning a Viking River Cruise down the Danube in the summer. “We’re school teachers,” says Scrivner. “We can’t just go gallivanting around Europe in the middle of a school year.”

As far as issues or problems with his marriage, Scrivner has suffered some pitfalls over the past year.

“I’ve never felt more hate in all my life than from the Southern Baptist cult,” he says. “These people used to call themselves my friends. These are people who knew I was gay, who came to my gay house, ate my gay food off my gay table and used my gay bathroom. They never had any problem with me until I asked them to come to my wedding. Then, they refused. Now, we’re married, and my equality is a conflict of their faith.”

Overall, both Scrivner and Kerson find the Grand Strand to be very accepting. “But it’s not like we’re leading the parade and wearing wigs,” says Scrivner. “We own property. We pay taxes. We live like everyone else does.”

Livingston interjects, “And now, we pay even more taxes because we’re married.”

“Yeah but I’m happy to pay the penalties, because now, I have the benefits,” says Scrivner.

This story was originally published January 7, 2016 at 12:00 AM with the headline "What’s Law Got to Do with It? Exploring the First Year of Same-Sex Marriage in Horry County."