Ted 2, Minions and Pan: Reviewer says only 1 worth a watch

“Ted 2”

Nothing says Christmas like a foul-mouth, porn-loving teddy bear. Seth MacFarlane returns to his bear form to write, direct and voice Ted. Mark Wahlberg partners up again as his sidekick or vice versa. The female chemistry from the first film – Mila Kunis – is curiously missing because of her real-life pregnancy, but explained away by divorce for plot purposes. Her slot is filled by Amanda Seyfried, who last joined MacFarlane for “A Million Ways to Die in the West.” There are also cameos aplenty. It’s a lot of same silliness as the previous outing for this little buddy. Crass and crude jokes lead to hilarity sometimes, sometimes smirks. You can always count on MacFarlane to take the low road. It’s a road where he knows every turn, and he still continues to show us some funny stuff along the way – worth a watch.

“Pan”

The holidays are a time for being young at heart, and Peter Pan is all about staying young, or it was until director Joe Wright got a hold of it. After watching this version, I’m not sure what it’s about. Maybe, it’s about child labor, mining for fairy dust? Or maybe, it’s about Hugh Jackman portraying Blackbeard the pirate like exploding confetti. Maybe, it’s about how flat Garrett Hedlund can deliver his lines. Maybe, it’s about making Tiger Lily as white as they can possibly get away with by giving the talented Rooney Mara the unfortunate task. Poor Levi Miller has an even more unlucky situation by giving the best performance in the film as the title character. Wright is known for making epic English tales. He’s dealt out Oscar darlings like “Pride & Prejudice” and “Atonement.” He’s cut his teeth on the fantasy/action genre with “Hanna,” but this “Pan” was left on the heat for too long. It feels overcooked and leaves a bad taste in the mouth – pass.

“Minions”

Here we go again – nothing says Christmas like a bunch of little pills running around, making squeaky noises, or “Minionese” is the actual language that they speak. These goofy, little yellow dudes have broken away from Steve Carell and the “Despicable Me” title to prove you don’t even need to put together whole sentences to entertain kids. Carell does make an appearance, but Sandra Bullock leads the way as far as human voices go while playing her first role as a villain. The cast who doesn’t speak “Minionese” is a who’s who of talent – Jon Hamm, Michael Keaton, Allison Janney, Steve Coogan and Geoffrey Rush – just to name a few. But without Carell, it all feels a little empty. The minions just don’t have the shoulders to carry the load of this movie by themselves. The kids will love it, so for them, it’s worth a watch, but for adults, it’s a pass.

This story was originally published December 21, 2015 at 11:35 PM with the headline "Ted 2, Minions and Pan: Reviewer says only 1 worth a watch."