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Eleven Out of Ten

Myrtle Beach police investigate an assault report at a gentlemen’s club.

BECAUSE, obviously.

A 23-year-old man reported to police that he was struck four times in the face by a dancer at Derriere’s Gentlemen’s Club on Seaboard Street in Myrtle Beach.

But to be fair, I completely thought that was a service at Derriere’s. Looks like I’ll be taking my business elsewhere.

The victim called police on Sunday evening to report the incident that happened around 1:45 a.m. Sunday morning. And that kids, is why you never go to a strip club after midnight. Or before midnight. Or ever.

According to the police report, the victim said the dancer was annoying him, (standard practice for dancers at such clubs) so he told her to “go to the gym and lose weight.”

Now at this point I want to say “what a jerk”, but that is downright hilarious. A little mean, but in the context of the situation - pure gold.

In response, the dancer allegedly took the next obvious course of action, reaching off the stage and striking him several times in the face, causing injury with a ring she was wearing.

BLAMMO! All joking aside, we need to go ahead and establish the rules. There are three things we just don’t talk about:

1. 2003’s “Daredevil” starring Ben Affleck

2. The 2014 NFL playoff game between the Green Bay Packers and the Dallas Cowboys, and

3. A woman’s weight.

Officers noted in the report that the victim’s face did have injuries consistent with his story. Good luck explainging that one at church on Sunday.

The victim went on to tell police that bouncers dragged him out of the club with excess force, because, well, that’s what bouncers do at a strip club at 2 in the monring; they’re huge, they’re bored, they see an opportunity to hurt someone. Batter up.

According to the report, the victim told police he would rate his intoxication level as “11 out of 10.” Not exactly the best way to start a police report, but that’s neither here nor there. He also described the dancer as a white female, about 115 to 120 pounds.

115 pounds to 120 pounds? Seriously? In what universe is that considered “overweight”? I would’ve blasted this dude in the face too.

Officers attempted to follow up at Derriere’s on Sunday (I BET they did) but the club was closed. The victim did not press charges. Probably because of that whole “11 out of 10” thing.

Just Having a Good Time, Sir

Horry County police arrested 14 people Thursday for having a good time after police conducted a prostitution sting in Myrtle Beach.

Sorry autocorrect replaced “soliciting prostitution” with “having a good time.” Won’t happen again.

All 14 suspects sought happiness prostitution services through the internet, according to Lt. Raul Denis with Horry County police.

Those charged with soliciting prostitution are:

Marwan Jami Al Aswad, 32, of Conway; Leon Cokely, 43, of Hemingway; Oziel Da Silva, 37, of Summerville; Daniel Dawson, 60, of Wilmington, N.C.; Derrick Ford, 39, of Sumter; Robert Loud Jr., 51, of Murrells Inlet; William McSwain, 72, of North Myrtle Beach; Tarvell Morrison, 28, of Newnan, G.A.; Rafael Rivera-Maya, 38, of Myrtle Beach; Huntington Smith, 53, of Murrells Inlet; David Strickland, 54, of Murrells Inlet; and David Whitney, 53, of Murrells Inlet.

The following two men were charged with soliciting prostitution and simple possession of marijuana:

David Caddell, 61, of Myrtle Beach; and Michael Dao, 22, of Mount Pleasant.

The police report regarding these arrests was not available as of Friday afternoon.

Pre-Release

The South Carolina Department of Corrections is looking for an escapee. Or “misplaced inmate,” as I like to call them.

According to the Department of Corrections website, authorities are searching for Seth Allen Grooms.

Grooms escaped from the Palmer Pre-release Center in Florence on Sunday at about 8 p.m.

I have a question. How do you “pre-release” someone? You either release them or you don’t. There is no possible way to be “pre-released.” What is that? To be released before you get released?

Grooms is serving a five year sentence for burglary. Not anymore, bitches!

Blue Light Special is a roundup of the Myrtle Beach area’s weird and wild crime, written with a saracastic and/or humorous twist. It is meant as a parody. Don’t take it too seriously; we don’t.

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