Blue Light Special | Arsonist sentenced

Solicitor Josh Holford reads the charges of seven counts of arson as Ryan Patrick Casiere stands with his attorney Buddy Long in district court.
Solicitor Josh Holford reads the charges of seven counts of arson as Ryan Patrick Casiere stands with his attorney Buddy Long in district court.

Toasting the town

A man who went around like “trash-can man” from a well-known Stephen King novel will spend at least five years in prison.

Ryan Patrick Casiere, 21, a dude with a serious arson-fetish problem, recently admitted he started seven fires around the Horry-Georgetown area.

His targets included a couple of trucks, several dumpsters and at least one new house that was still under construction.

Although his sentence was originally a lot more, Casiere got off easy when his sentence was suspended to five years and two years probation.

Casiere admitted he had a “problem” and needed help for his fire-starting issues.

Well, yeah.

The judge apparently agreed that Casiere needs some mental health counseling.

Casiere reportedly suffers from anxiety and a compulsive need to destroy other peoples’ very expensive property.

According to the judge, Casiere is supposed to “behave” in prison, then get some mental health assistance in the two years after that.

In other words, don’t set fire to your mattress in the lock up.

Orange might be the new black, but that does not mean you can burn your prison jumpsuit.

When you get out, baby, have your parents and other kinfolk hide the matches and lighters. Perhaps avoiding the traditional backyard barbecues with a fire pit might also be a good idea.

Check, please

You know how it is.

You have a check you absolutely have to get cashed at a convenience store and the clerk immediately says, “no.”

It’s probably because:

A. The convenience store is not a bank

B. The clerk doesn’t know you from Adam.

C. She doesn’t want to get stuck with someone’s rubber paycheck, even if it did come from Adam.

These are all good reasons, by the way.

A Georgetown County man apparently would not take no for an answer and was arrested for robbery after he snatched cash from Newton’s General Store in Andrews.

Reports say that Edward Thomas II, 34, was declined when he asked the clerk at Newton’s to cash a check.

He then handled his business by reaching in the cash register and running off with the store’s money, police said.

Police said Thomas then hit Thelma and Louise’s Bait and Tackle, also in Andrews.

Side note: Naming a store “Thelma and Louise’s Bait and Tackle” is probably not a good idea. It’s like painting a target on your business that attracts fast-moving robbers.

Thomas was taken to the Georgetown County jail Friday night, according to the Georgetown County Sheriff’s Office.

If he is waiting on two reckless women in a convertible to get him out of there, he is probably completely out of luck.

Party heist

Myrtle Beach police are searching for two suspects after a man and woman reported being robbed of cash and an iPad in an Ocean Boulevard hotel room, according to a police report.

Officers were called about 8:15 p.m. Tuesday to the Sun and Sand Hotel at 2701 S. Ocean Blvd. where a 20-year-old woman and a 21-year-old man reported the incident.

The 21-year-old man told police he and the woman were walking on the beach smoking a blunt (clearly what you want to lead off with) when they met the two suspects, who had vodka, police said.

The male victim said the group decided to go to a hotel room together (also a good idea) to “party” (if you know what I mean) and watch television, according to the report.

The male victim told authorities that the group spent time together in the hotel room, and then one of the suspects pulled out a handgun, pointed it at them and demanded their things, police said.

“What are we to do when you can’t trust vodka-wielding strangers on the beach in the middle of the night?” the male suspect pondered to himself.

The victims said the suspects then ran out of the room, and that they went to look for them after waiting a while, but didn’t find them.

Because of course they didn’t. The suspect has the upper hand, he has $50 and an iPad with GPS navigation. They’re in Mexico by now.

Josh Bell, digital reporter

Turbo robber

A busy robber made off with numerous items from a man’s house located between 76th and 79th avenues North, according to reports.

Although a lot of stuff went missing, police couldn’t find any sign of forced entry and no footprints, or hand prints, around the crime scene.

Either the burglar was a ghost who takes jewelry and spare change, or someone knew exactly how to get the stuff without raising the alarm.

The man told police the person might have entered his home through an unlocked gate and unlocked back door.

He said rings, family photos, DVDs, and about $5 in change was snatched. The stuff was in a locked box, he told police.

Another home was then found burglarized in the 700 block of Carolina Cove Drive.

The homeowners also reported the loss of a laptop computer, jewelry an Xbox gaming console and a karaoke machine.

It’s one thing to take someone’s rings and cash, but taking the karaoke machine is really, really low.

Let’s hope the robber did not snatch that prized copy of “Shania Twain Karaoke,” that was probably still stuck in the machine.

Police said no arrests have been made.

Blue Light Special is a roundup of the Myrtle Beach area’s weird and wild crime, written with a saracastic and/or humorous twist. It is meant as a parody. Don’t take it too seriously; we don’t.