Just in time for Cinco de Mayo, a margarita tour at The Market Common

With Cinco de Mayo approaching, I’ve been thinking about the margarita a bit.

More specifically, I’ve been thinking about wandering around The Market Common and having one at each restaurant. And while it’s not warm or sunny enough yet for me to trick myself into thinking I’m in Mexico, with the help of a handful of bartenders I might be able to drink myself there over the next several hours.

I’ve made the game-time decision to visit the bars in alphabetical order, and the lineup looks like this – CO Sushi, King Street Grille, Nacho Hippo, P.F. Chang’s China Bistro, and Travinia Italian Kitchen.

That leaves out Gordon Biersch and Tupelo Honey, but I can only be asked to accurately describe five of these things before the citrus completely acidifies my insides. And also, consuming more than five of them in one evening would probably end up tampering with any critical thoughts I might be having.

For those wondering about my safety and that of others on the road, I should share that I’ve arranged for my lovely and accommodating girlfriend to deliver me to and from The Market Common. And while she’s not the world’s No. 1 driver, she is definitely sober.

The front doors of CO Sushi are wide open, as are the retractable garage-style windows that open up to the outdoor patio area in front of the movie theater. Wind slides through the chic, red and black-themed dining room, and as “Hold On, I’m Comin’” plays at a volume that seems like it has probably been scientifically proven to enhance business, I order the Jalapeno Guava Margarita ($8.50).

In what seems like less than a minute after ordering, the bartender places before me a light-colored cocktail garnished with slices of ripe lime and jalapeno. It has the look of a watered-down version of the type of drink you’d get elsewhere, and tastes like anything but.

Whoever drew up the recipe for this beauty knows a thing or two about balance, as CO’s Jalapeno Guava perfectly juggles the acidity and sweetness requisite in a good blend, with the addition of a noticeable, but not-overpowering amount of heat.

The key, according to the bartender, is the fresh, organic ingredients that they combine with 24-hour jalapeno-infused Agavales Blanco Tequila.

▪ CO Sushi margarita rating – Great

Ditching my alphabetical itinerary due to rain, I find that the bar at P.F. Chang’s to be absolutely full of people who are probably not there to drink tequila, so I slip out the side door and head to a place where they probably are there to drink tequila – Nacho Hippo.

Taking a seat at a mostly empty bar (though I should note that the dining room is more or less full), I flip through the stuck-together pages of the flip book-style drink menu which contains too many variations for me to bother counting. And while I understand that there’s a market for something called a Rain Forest Margarita (mango, cranberry, lime, peach), I decide on the Perfect Patron Margarita ($12), mostly because I like the name, but also because it’s the menu’s closest interpretation of the original recipe.

After a notable wait, the drink arrives in one of those soup bowl-looking glasses with a long, thin stem and a laughably ill-fitting straw protruding from inside. After one sip I’m immediately disappointed.

Among my chief complaints – it is crazy sweet, Patron Reposado’s already-muted agave flavor is nowhere to be found, and instead of balancing themselves out, the tequila, Patron Citron, OJ, and house-made margarita mix combine to form a bland, syrupy affair.

Also, the puny and discolored lime on the rim produced not one drop of juice after a lengthy battle with my fingers. At the end of the day, it seems likely that Nacho Hippo probably does a lot of things well, but the Perfect Patron Margarita is not one of them.

▪ Nacho Hippo Margarita Rating – Not Good in Any Way

Back at P.F. Chang’s, I’m sold on the first drink on the menu, the Organic Agave Margarita ($9). The environment here is loud, with televisions blaring, dishes clashing against each other in the kitchen, people yelling for whatever reason, and the aforementioned music creeping around in the background. I have to guess that the margarita’s inventor never imagined that the drink would be served in such an atmosphere.

Luckily, my drink is excellent. The organic agave nectar asserts its presence alongside the citrus, the glass is appropriately full of ice, and a healthy, juice-bearing lime is now floating among the liquids. Someone at corporate put a little time into this one. Not that the ingredients are complex (Patron Silver, organic agave nectar, fresh lime juice), but if Nacho Hippo taught me anything, proper preparation is just as important.

▪ P.F. Chang’s Margarita Rating – Really Nice

At Travinia, I pick out the only margarita on the menu, the Italian ($10), and watch as the bartender combines Maestro Dobel Tequila, Disaronno, triple sec, sour mix, and orange juice to make a cocktail that’s roughly twice as big as it needs to be.

The resulting drink is odd, but not in a bad way. Replacing the orange liqueur, the sweet almond-flavored Disaronno takes the edge off of the citrus, making for a cocktail that errs slightly on the sugary side, no doubt having something to do with the not one, but three sweeteners that the recipe utilizes. And, like Patron, Maestro Dobel is probably not distinctive enough to throw in with so many other liquids.

This is not a drink that I could handle five of, and if this had been the first one of my tour, it might’ve tasted differently (and worse). But all in all, Travinia’s Italian Margarita is drinkable, inoffensive, and had I stuck to my original route, would’ve made for an excellent nightcap of sorts.

▪ Travinia Margarita Rating – Not Bad, Not Bad at All

The walk from Travinia to King Street Grille in a downpour without an umbrella is not one that I’d recommend to anyone I like, especially wearing loafers that their granddad gave to them 15 years ago already somewhat worn.

In adding King Street Grille to my jaunt, I knew that I wouldn’t be strolling into a place whose owners put much effort into crafting a quality margarita, and the no-frills drink that comes out is exactly what you’d expect at a sports bar that specializes in beer and shots. However, I don’t have any bad thoughts in my head at this point – my taste buds are impaired, I’m in an understandably relaxed mood, and the bartender is a good-natured man who has served me hundreds of cocktails in the past, though never, I don’t think, a margarita.

The King Street Grille version of the drink is neither his nor the owner’s specialty, and the salt-rimmed concoction appears to adhere to the prevailing Americanized recipe. And that’s just fine, because for $5 I really don’t feel entitled to anything more.

As my ride is fast-approaching, I think back on my original goal of “drinking myself to Mexico,” and it occurs to me that I’ve somehow arrived squarely into what feels like the quintessential American experience – corn syrup-laden drink in hand, sports on the numerous high-definition televisions, and listening to some redneck sing about tailgates, tight jeans and beer.

▪ King Street Grille Margarita Rating – The United States of America

Thank you, Mexico. I love you.

This story was originally published April 29, 2015 at 6:53 AM with the headline "Just in time for Cinco de Mayo, a margarita tour at The Market Common."