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If I were writing ‘Top Gun 2,’ this is what would happen

This image released by Universal Pictures shows Tom Cruise as Barry Seal in a scene from, “American Made.” (David James/Universal Pictures via AP)
This image released by Universal Pictures shows Tom Cruise as Barry Seal in a scene from, “American Made.” (David James/Universal Pictures via AP) AP

Within the cluster of television reboots comes a film sequel that, quite frankly, I’m surprised took this long. Tom Cruise has begun filming the sequel to “Top Gun” in Norfolk, Virginia, aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln.

It’s not that Cruise isn’t still handsome, fit and charismatic … I’m just wondering how the distinctly middle-aged actor will be portrayed 32 years later to make it all believable. The production is tightly under wraps and mum’s the word. This is, however, the way I’d write the script, beginning with Tom shouting the original iconic line as he fist bumps his pals:

“I feel the need! The need for speed!”

Only to be shot down by his unimpressed wife, which won’t be Kelly McGillis, as she is guilty of the unforgivable sin of being an actress and turning 60:

“Oh, really? Well you can start by seeing how fast you can mow the lawn and then fix the garbage disposal, Maverick.”

Defeated, Tom will trudge towards the garage to fire up the lawn mower, only to realize it’s out of fuel. Picking up an empty gas can, he stands morosely and stares at the minivan he’s forced to drive after being bullied into selling his beloved Kawasaki after the birth of their second child.

And to make matters worse, it was another girl! He’s a crumbling wreck of a man, living in a house full of women, he despairs. How did all of this happen? And why did Kenny Loggins get a face lift so tight it must be secured by a wing-nut at the back of his head??

It’s a pretty safe bet my version won’t be made. And it’s also a pretty safe bet that Hollywood’s version will show that Maverick, in order not to be bogged down with an aging wife that no one wants to see in seamed stockings, will be portrayed as a widower.

Sure, he married the ravishing “Charlie,” but she’ll be killed off and Maverick will have become so despondent that he ends up estranged from his own adult son who is the very reincarnation of himself as a young man. Or maybe daughter! Yes: and she’s the spitting image of her feisty mother.

Against his wishes she wants to become a fighter pilot — and she’s ace! They’ll butt heads as Maverick, now a flight instructor, must come to grips that what she needs is a father who respects her and doesn’t punch out her boyfriend, who serenades her with “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” at the local bar.

Naturally, there’ll be a life-or-death military air combat scene with Maverick Jr. dodging and firing upon (depending which President is in office) the Russians! Maverick Jr. will take on catastrophic damage, be forced to eject … and just when we all think he/she is done for, they are rescued and Maverick Sr. arrives for the obligatory leaky eyed hug.

And … scene.

Before you email me: no, I have no inside knowledge of the script, and yes, I made up the second scenario as well. But I still like the first one best.

Even if the only highway to the danger zone ‘burbs Maverick ever takes is colonoscopy prep. ß