Letters to the Editor

God’s letter not so convincing

Recently, my wife and I returned from vacation to find the usual stack of mail that accumulates while we’re out of town. I noticed one letter with the words “Urgent business” written in red on the face of the envelope. The letter began with a memo-like heading.

TO: My Family…

FROM: Your Father God…

It’s not every day that I receive a letter from God, so I began reading.

I am sending this note to those who claim to be my saved children. If you have already been told about My gospel and choose to not believe in My son Jesus Christ and through him being the only way to heaven, as written by Me in My Holy Bible, then this is not meant for you. So go ahead and throw this note away now.”

My curiosity aroused, I read on.

The second paragraph took me back to my days as a Southern Baptist, “ The end is near” followed by the predictable, “ You must repent now or spend eternity in hell.” However, I quickly ruled out the possibility of the letter being from a Southern Baptist because no mention was made about the importance of tithing, and that is topic A in the Baptist church.

It was not until I read the final paragraph that I realized the true nature of the letter was political. “It is in My record that many of you who say you are followers of Christ have not read My Word and have cast your vote for a man who supports legislation for the opposite of that which I have commanded for My children, in My Holy Bible. Do not forget I stand against, Murder, Debt, Anti-Semitism, Lies and Deception and Not Working. I LOVE YOU, YOUR FATHER GOD.” Try reading that sentence in one breath.

What I found intriguing, as well as informative, was that God keeps a record of who we cast our votes for. I did not know that.

I assure you this is not a joke. Someone actually composed this political propaganda claiming to be God and mailed it to an unknown number of people. While this “note” lacked a version of the familiar political ending, “I’m God and I approved this message,” it came very close with this closing, “ This message paid for and brought to you by the Spiritual Campaign for the one and only true God.”

As somewhat of a political junkie, I don’t think I am overreaching when I say, this may be the most unintentionally hilarious, blasphemous political diatribe I have ever had the misfortune to read, and I’ve received mail from Newt Gingrich! It is with this letter fresh in my mind, and with the political season getting into high gear, that I offer a suggestion to those vying for my vote: In the name of all that is good and holy, please avoid sending out mailers, using third-grade English, pretending to be God.

I can make this promise to you: I will not vote for you and God won’t like it either.

The writer lives in Murrells Inlet.

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