Letters to the Editor

MB's senior population will rule

Re Jeremy Gordon letter, "MB treats younger crowd badly," July 18:

So, Jeremy, you think this town has room for youngsters? What makes you think we older residents have to put up with your nonsense? For the past 10 years Myrtle Beach has made it a transparent plan to cut out exactly your kind. We thrive on making nuisance laws for just about anything that attracts youth. Don't you realize, we, the older folks, pay taxes? And vote? And go to meetings? We are the caring and responsible!

Our goal is to transform this beach into a nice, respectable, tasteful and, especially, QUIET, seaside resort.

We have a plan.

And, that does not include boisterous young people like you.

We, the retired, are the justified group that responsibly impedes your youthful excitement. We block supermarket aisles using shopping carts as walkers; we challenge the cashier on a 10 cents-off coupon; we still write checks, and balance our checkbooks at the register while you patiently stand there, and wait, and wait, and carry that heavy case of sinful beer. You just need to remember that we seniors are in charge here, kid. We've got the clout. You may as well respect your elders because many more are coming.

Slow down, boy, or we'll obstruct traffic. And get those skateboards off our sidewalks or we'll run you over with our Rascals. We make the laws here, you pesky kids. Pretty soon we'll do away with surfboards, Jet Skis, parasails and beach tents.

Our list is growing too. We have already rid this town of most of those irritating Boulevard dance clubs, bars and noisy rides. If we don't like it, we eliminate it. Let's keep our new boardwalk quiet and respectful. You kids don't know youthful fashion like we did. When we were young, a good pair of dungarees, white T-shirt and cool penny-loafers were just the bee's knees. You turn that hat around. Pull those britches up. Turn that awful music down. Stop running. No public kissing. And no parking lot events unless it is our classic cars.

If you would just follow our plan, we, the respected owners of this town, will guide this beach to a pleasant and beautiful utopia. We will share with you our secret of those same restaurants you mentioned and show you how to benefit from the early-bird specials. And one day you, too, will get the advantage of our senior discounts and free coffee. That is, if restaurants can survive here after we run you and your biker pals off.

But, for now, you kids need to go home and be quiet after dark so we can all get some peaceful rest. No fireworks, no smoking, no gambling, no loud music. And, especially, no tolerance for youth any more on this sacred beach. We have just had enough.

Why are you even here? You see, we stopped all that "fun" nonsense when we got old. We did have a blast growing up here. Sorry, you missed it, kid.

Shhhhhhhhhh ...

The writer lives in Myrtle Beach.