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Myrtle Beach area’s kookiest crimes

A No Rough-Stuff-Type Deal

We used to pass notes in study hall to see if a girl liked us. Now, people pass notes to rob a pharmacy of its stash.

Myrtle Beach police responded to a pharmacy in the 7000 block of North Kings Highway on May 10 after getting a report that it had been robbed.

The pharmacist told police a man came into the store and passed her note that said, “Don’t be a hero, just give me all your Oxycodone pills,” according to the incident report.

She went to the safe, got all the bottles of pills and passed them to the thief. No weapons were seen and the victim said the man never touched her, the report stated. He then left the store.

Maybe this guy’s next move is to pass a note to a cute girl that reads, “Don’t be a hero, just go out with me. Rest assured, we’re gonna party.”

You Alleged Sick Bastard!

It’s bad enough to be making child pornography videos, but it’s even worse when you make one on the morning before you get arrested.

Myrtle Beach man Marshall Hanselman was arrested May 2 and charged with one count of first-degree sexual exploitation of a minor. If convicted, he could receive up to 20 years in prison, according to a press release from South Carolina Attorney General Alan Wilson.

Homeland Security Investigations of Charleston received a search warrant for the suspect’s residence on May 2, the release stated. A joint HSI-Horry County Sheriff’s Office search allegedly found videos containing child pornography. The suspect reportedly told investigators he’d made one of the videos just that morning.

We realize everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty. Still, just hearing this list of charges is enough to make our skin crawl.

Police Exercise the Right to Remain Silent

We kind of understand why he’s not a police officer anymore.

Investigators with the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division arrested former Conway police officer Sandroy John Edwards on May 7 on one count of criminal domestic violence, according to a press release.

The charges stem from an April 20 incident. No further details were available. The Conway Police Department requested that SLED investigate, the release stated.

This is not Edwards first dance with the devil, as he was also arrested for criminal domestic in December 2012.

Sorry, pal, but there’s no donuts in jail. Or, at least we don’t think there are.

When Skinny Dipping Goes Wrong

We’re thinking this group should have taken a page from “Arrested Development’s” Tobias Funke and embraced the concept of a “never-nude.”

In the early-morning hours of May 6, Myrtle Beach police arrested seven students between the ages of 19 and 22 after an officer saw them going for a swim in the ocean wearing nothing but their birthday suits.

All were charged with a misdemeanor count of unlawful public nudity, according to police records.

And while the weather has been a bit warmer as of late, we’re still not 100 percent certain the ocean wouldn’t have caused some shrinkage issues for the fellas.

Interstate Love Song

These are business practices that Tony Soprano would be proud of.

Eugene Jones, of Goose Creek, was sentenced May 12 to three years in jail after being found guilty of conspiracy to transport stolen goods in interstate commerce, according to a press release from U.S. Attorney Bill Nettles.

From 2007 to 2012, Jones recruited dozens of people to steal merchandise from different stores, such as Lowes, Target, Walmart, Home Depot and others. They would then bring the items to his North Charleston store, Patriot Pawn, the release stated.

This pillar of the community would buy the stolen merchandise for far less than retail value and then sell it on eBay.

Buyers from Texas, Florida, Pennsylvania, Minnesota and California ponied up dough for the $1 million in stolen goods being sold online. Jones split the money with his co-conspirators.

Stories like this bring back bad memories of getting ripped off in 2006 when trying to buy Rolling Stones concert tickets on eBay.

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