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ANALYZE THIS

Take a guy like Matt Millen. Former football player. Good guy. Make him a general manager and watch him drive a team into the ground. I feel for you, Lions fans! Now ESPN has made him an analyst. So explain to me how I could possibly find this guy credible when he talks football?

PROTECT AND SERVE?

I drive past people claiming to be homeless every day holding cardboard signs. Last winter was so bitter cold and one man in particular was freezing, holding his ears and rocking as though there was a mental issue as well. I fed him every day and bought a tent for him because he was living in the woods across from the Wal-mart on 544, sleeping bag, ear muffs and coat for him. I called every agency in the phonebook, police and shelters. No one would pick him up. And I am a single mother with three children. The police asked me to take him to a shelter on Broadway Street, they said they were not a taxi service. What happened to "PROTECT AND SERVE"?

OBITS DON'T LIE

Why did you say that your grandmother died a month ago when I just saw her obituary in the newspaper yesterday? It's just odd because you weren't making up an excuse for anything, you just called me up and made up this elaborate story about it. Well, I believe you now. I'm sorry for your loss.

DARE TO FLAIR

"The early bird may get the worm ... but the second mouse gets the cheese." I'm going to put this on a button and wear it to work as one of my required pieces of flair.

HERE'S A TIP, PART XXVI

Hey folks! One dollar a person is not a tip! 15-18 percent is the norm. Servers make $2.13 an hour. If you can't tip, go to a take-out joint!

SHARK BAIT

To those who don't tip: I hope so dearly that you get eaten by a shark while here, for you are scum of the earth and the very bottom of the food chain. I'd rather for a shark to have a tasty meal for you to ever take a bite again. For the shark didn't do any thing to me...but you did!

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