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WHERE HAVE ALL THE STRAIGHT BARS GONE?

To the gay guy at the bar at Broadway (on) Tuesday night: I'm sorry I pushed you down out of my way, but maybe you will not try to rub your ass on some one who you don't know again. Myrtle Beach has turned into another Key West. Every bar and club is turning all gay. Weird, where do straight people go now?

CASINO ROYALE

I encourage every one who wants our seasonal economy to grow to take a stand and show support for casinos along the Grand Strand. We would pull a lot of people from Atlantic City and our hotels and restaurants would make more money. Look at all of the places along the beach that have closed for good. We need something new. Those who disagree, I bet that you have never worked a day in your life and know nothing about making a living. No excuse for being so dumb in America.

JAY LAME-O

Thank you Jay Leno for finally bringing your boring late night talk show to an earlier hour and somehow making it more sleep-inducing than ever. Whereas I used to fall asleep watching you around 12:20, I am now comatose by 10:10 on a regular basis. Your consistent devotion to formulaic, uninspired crapedy has even my boss saying thank you as I am now insanely productive having an average of ten hours of sleep a night. You are truly a master of the mundane.

READY AND ABLE

In response to the NMB restaurant owner (PINK SLIP PREMONITION): I am not a pill popper, a stoner, nor am I lazy. I need a job and I have great references and experience. Feel free to e-mail me: guccistiletto@yahoo.com. Hope to hear from you.

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