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SPEND MONEY, SAVE ATTITUDE

To all the tourists in Myrtle Beach: if you don't like anything about Myrtle Beach and can do nothing but complain about everything here and how in New York they do it like this or in Pennsylvania they do it like that - don't bother coming back next year. I don't remember sending you an invitation in the first place.

STATE PARK EXPRESS LANE

Why can't there be a separate entrance road into the state park for season pass holders? Why should I have to wait in a line behind visiting tourists that stretches to the highway? I pay my taxes here, and I bought my pass. I ought to be able to access my park without putting up with the fly-by-nights, and even have a section of parking set aside for other pass holders and me.

MANE ATTRACTION

To the girl standing behind me in line at the gas station, shoeless and in your dripping wet bathing suit: I know I have nice hair (thanks, Joey) and appreciate the compliment. But at what point did you decide it was a good idea for you to run your hands through it? Eww!

CREAKY PIPES

To my co-workers: Thank you for always listening to me gripe about my old lady ailments.

HOMELESS STIMULUS

Oprah Winfrey hosts a show about homeless people and their suffering. Oprah makes $247 million a year. If she contributed one year's salary, there would not be anymore homeless.

MAD HATTER

To the guy wearing the "Moron Hat" (baseball cap tilted sideways) driving around subjecting everyone to the booming bass portion of your awful music from your car stereo: You are not impressing anyone or even slightly cool. You are just an idiot.

SLICE OF THE BUDGET

To the guys that run the pizza place in the food court at the mall: Yes, your pies are delicious, but do you have to charge $10 for two slices and a bottle of water?

LET'S GET PHYSICAL

To my girls who take my classes at an athletic club in Myrtle Beach: THANK YOU for putting up with my crazy ideas for class and always making me laugh.

DIPLOMACY BE DAMNED

This is to the cashier at the local grocery store: Shouting "debit or credit" loudly to the Mexican who doesn't speak any English does not hurry the line - it just makes it longer.

BOMBS BURSTING IN AIR

As I listened to the bangs and booms of 4th (of July) fireworks, I couldn't help but think of the men and women of our Armed Services listening to a different type of fireworks. God bless you all, today and every day.

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