BY TARA SOLOMON
Dear Advice Diva:
I am getting married to my loving, successful and gorgeous college sweetheart of five years and he is everything I hoped and prayed for in a partner -- our relationship is full of romance, respect, excitement, you name it! The wedding is only two months away and right now I should be putting the finishing touches on my 4,000 last-minute details of my enormous wedding but instead I am petrified. Not just cold feet -- freezing, arctic feet. There are a million and one doubts racing through my mind and I cannot seem to shake this feeling of impending doom. I have fears of my marriage falling apart and ending up in divorce like my parents' did. On the other hand, my fiancé is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He treats me like a princess and has never done anything mean or underhanded in all the years we have been together. Any advice on how I can shake my pre-wedding jitters?
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Dear Cold Feet:
It's OK to be nervous, just as it's OK not to have one speck of apprehension before entering into one of the biggest changes to shake up your perfect little world. Actually, in light of your parental history, it would be mighty odd for you to naively prance into marriage without any dark-cloud images hovering about. Your doubts would make sense if your fiancé were, say, an employment-challenged ex-con with mommy-hate issues and zero social skills due to an inability to control his chronic flatulence. Or something equally scary and gross.
But he's not, Blanche. He's a nice guy who treats you very, very well, from what you tell us. One exceedingly simple, powerful thing you have to remember is that you are not your mother and your fiancé is not your father. Who knows what emotional baggage each of them schlepped into their marriage? Don't let their inability to make it work overshadow your happiness like some giant eclipse. Because it can, and will, if you allow it. You can be so consumed by the fear of failure, and all the icky negativity that surrounds the F word, that you will indeed suffer the same fate as your parents. And then you wouldn't be able to enjoy all those fabulous wedding gifts.
So make up your mind, little sister. Ask yourself these questions: Do you love him unconditionally? Does he treat you with care and love? Has he ever seen you in at least one unflattering situation (i.e. sick in bed with food poisoning, you vomit all over the comforter)? Can you eat as much as you want in front of him? Is he fine with your getting a small, over-groomed lap dog that you call Miss Sparkle Toes and equally fine with your suggestion that he walk her twice daily in order to share quality time? (You, after all, will refresh the pee pads.)
If you can sail through the above questions, you're doing better than most engaged women out there. Enjoy your blessings, dear one, and focus on them instead of potential saboteurs. Take one day at a time and savor the miracle of life. Reader Poll:
Worst Pick-up Lines
I was leaving the supermarket one afternoon and I was pushing my shopping cart to the front of the car. The guy next to me was putting groceries in his trunk and when I walked by he looked at me and shouted, 'You must be a parking ticket, because you got `fine' written all over you!'' I could not help but laugh. It was so corny yet so funny all the same.
Kristin in Atlanta