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How to handle a week with nagging She-Beast

Dear Advice Diva:

I was just informed by my loving husband that his mother (who I have nicknamed She-Beast) will be staying with us for a full week in our small condo. As you might guess, we don't really get along. She shadows me constantly, telling me what she thinks I'm doing wrong. I don't clean right, I don't know how to drive, I don't know how to cook, it's always something. I don't want him to know how much she gets under my skin and I would rather just make the best of it. What are some good tips on keeping her busy or maybe ways to help us see eye-to-eye?

Married to His Mother

Dear Married to:

Why internalize your angst when this is clearly an opportunity for you to stand up for yourself and slay the She-Beast? Not literally, of course.

Your success will depend on how strong you are and how cool you can deliver your message. Go over what you are going to say, and we don't think you need to drag your husband into this. It's between you and the mother-in-law. She has sniffed out your insecurity and is preying on your naiveness. No mas. Let her know that you are the Mama Bear of your condo-cave and while her comments may amuse her, they are no longer welcome. At this point, she either chills and starts to respect you or checks into the hotel room that you have wisely already reserved.

WORST PICK-UP LINES

Everywhere I go people tell me I look like Britney Spears, but I do not agree. The comments were somewhat flattering until this guy approached me at a club with, ''You look like Britney Spears out of rehab,'' referring to my new dark hair. I had no choice but to just laugh.

K.L. in Miami

Dear K.L.: Now that that Fed-Ex's ex is cleanly shorn, we doubt you'll be hearing that line anytime soon.

The Advice Diva welcomes your questions -- particularly the more amusing ones -- and your worst pick-up lines. Write her at advicediva@MiamiHerald.com.

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