Dear Advice Diva:
I am finally recovering from the holidays and I need some ''me'' time, but with such a hectic schedule I can't seem to lose the dreaded 12 pounds I gained over the past few months.
I have never seemed to let myself go this bad, and with my job I have to maintain a stunning physique.
Any tips on how I can drop the weight in a jiffy?
My job is on the line!
Dear Miss Plump:
Omilord, you are so asking the wrong person here. We're not even going to ask what sort of work you are in that requires you to maintain a stunning physique. The Diva doesn't judge, although she is very much the curious type (e-mail us later, OK?).
Twelve pounds can be a beast to lose (and don't we know it), but from what we have learned from watching late-night infomercials and Dr. Oz on Oprah, it seems to be a combination of diet, exercise and flattering wardrobe choices. We opt for the baby doll dress (see ''Unfortunate Fashion'' response below), although be prepared that people may ask you if you are pregnant, especially if you choose to not hold your stomach in.
As the philosopher Terrance espoused, moderation is the key, which would mean eating half a sandwich with a salad instead of an individual pizza, one scoop of Dairy Queen instead of a banana split, a wine spritzer instead of a pitcher of sangria -- you get the idea. This really does work, our slim friends tell us. And if you add in some gym time, you'll be back to your working weight in no time.
What about all these gals who think that anyone can wear skinny jeans? This is so not true, especially when it comes to women with big booties and love handles! It only makes them look more like a giant pear!
Michelle in LaLa Land
Are you referring to us? You very well could be, based on our one severe lapse of fashion judgment in wearing a pair of skinny jeans when we should have opted for a caftan. You are right; those skinny jeans just aren't the zaftig girl's friend. Personally, we can't wait til the trend is over and are hoping the baby doll look sticks around for a long time because it's the one fashion trend that doesn't involve our holding in our tummies till we're ready to pass out.
The Advice Diva welcomes your questions and fashion pet peeves -- particularly the more amusing ones. Write her at advicediva@MiamiHerald.com.