So….the man bun. Let’s talk.
I have to admit that I didn’t give it much thought until the “clip-on” man bun started showing up ($9.99 on Groupon for the “half Princess Leia”) recently.
To be honest, unlike any of my women friends, I kinda like the man bun. It reminds me of the warrior ‘do worn by the hunky Chinese soldiers fighting the Huns in my very favorite Disney movie of all time, “Mulan.”
I suppose that’s why every time my mom-friends groan and roll their eyes at the waiter’s ubiquitous top-knot when we go out dinner, I just close my eyes and think of Li Shang. All good.
But then, the clip-on arrived and this was a mane changer. The fake bun allows even the most follicle-challenged man to embrace the hipster-pouf trend.
Not hirsute enough to scrape up a proper manly chignon? No worries. The clip-on man bun even comes with self-deprecating humor. In its advertising, the manufacturers clearly know that the best defense is a good offense. How else do you explain a product whose packaging boasts: “You can remove it quickly and easily leaving you plenty of time to think about what it’s like to be the type of person who lies to everyone.”
Harsh, but hysterical, am I right?
If you think nobody would buy such a thing as a fake man bun, think again. The “New York Post” reported that more than 1,000 of the clip-ons have been sold through Groupon. And all that in less time than it takes to say: “Business in the front, dance recital staple in the back.”
Judging from the photos I saw in the “Post,” the clip-on man bun looks very convincing. And, honestly, much better than some of the skimpy, limp man buns being scraped upward and shellacked into place by the likes of Jake Gyllenhaal.
Better to have a robust fake man-bun than a tiny real one that looks like something you found that morning in the shower drain.
It’s also important to realize your limitations. This is a young man’s game. If you are nearly bald, scraping up the hair and tacking on a fake bun will just make you look like the sadly microcephalic Pepper in “American Horror Story.”
If you thought that the man bun was the only real trend in male hair, you obviously haven’t seen “beard baubles,” tiny Christmas tree ornaments that decorate those omnipresent Mumford & Sons beards we see on the 20somethings. Beard baubles are an Aussie invention with all the money going to charity but I think you could, in a pinch, just buy the tiny ornaments at Dollar General and twist them into your beard if you don’t want to wait for them to ship.
The hot look among all the young hipsters who populate the pour-over-fair-trade-coffeehouse-slash-vinyl-store is a cross between the Brawny towel guy and the Dinty Moore canned beef stew guy. The bun just keeps things tidy. It’s hard to hate on that.
Celia Rivenbark is the New York Times best-selling author of “Rude B****** Make Me Tired.” Visit www.celiarivenbark.com.