I’m at the age when I no longer make New Year’s resolutions – or vows or pledges or promises, whatever you want to call them.
Oh, sure, I want to be a better person, but that hardly ever works out. Now, after almost 77 years, I’ve learned to face the ugly truth: This is as good as it gets. What you see is what you get. Like that.
And, yes, I want to drop a few pounds – but I don’t want to drop them by spending the month of February in Roper Hospital. Just let me eat enough salads to keep me in the fighting shape of my youth and I’ll be happy.
Beyond that, I have some hopes for 2017, which is, let’s face it, a truly odd-numbered year. Nothing like that nice even-numbered 2016, which looked so promising at the beginning, but then ... but I digress. (And I’m not just talking about the deaths of Prince and Debbie and Ali and Arnie.)
On to my hopes for this New Year:
▪ I hope to spend less time watching television. That’s going to be difficult because of all the choices now available – all the commercial networks and the steadily improving basic cable, plus Netflix and Amazon and Hulu. What’s a guy with lowbrow cultural tastes to do?
▪ Speaking of TV, I hope to spend more time with ESPN and less time with MSNBC for the next four years because ... but I digress.
▪ Meanwhile, I hope to spend more time reading. I’m about halfway through six books right now. I want to finish them all before I start a seventh. But wait: Grisham has another book out? Uh-oh.
▪ I’m only playing one round of golf a week, but I’m still thinking about shooting my age. Of course, the older I get, the better my chances. Ten years ago, I would have needed to shoot 67. All I need this year is a lousy 77, easy enough, you would think, since I now play from the forward tees. But it gets better: 10 years from now, all I’ll need is a lousy 87. Good reason to hang on, eh, fellow golden-age golfers?
▪ I want to quit complaining every time a hurricane comes through and wipes out a few more trees on my Beaufort lot. Oh, that’s right. I don’t have many trees left after Matthew. Never mind.
▪ I hope to spend more time traveling, you know, like a real retired person. But I’m not sure that will happen. I married a tireless woman who not only continues to work part-time as a pharmacist, but now volunteers one day a week at the Sewee Visitor and Environmental Education Center down the road and has offered to bake delicious cheese biscuits at Sewee Outpost a few miles farther down. How am I gonna travel the Old West with that schedule? Unless I just pack up my dog Wasabi and ... nah, better not.
Anyway, as you can see, my hopes for 2017 are pretty limited. Not like the beginning of 2016.
So just let me say, have a happy and healthy new year. It’s got to be better than this one after ... but again I digress.
Contact Bob Bestler at firstname.lastname@example.org.