Dear Advice Diva:
I am writing this for my mom's best girlfriend because she doesn't have the guts to. ''Auntie Margie'' has a 28-year-old son who still lives at home and has three kids (ages six, three and one) from three different baby mamas. He has no job, no money and seems to have problems keeping his pants zipped up.
This in itself is bad news but, to make things much worse, each time one of his girls gets pregnant, he moves them into Auntie Margie's house where they stay till the baby arrives. Then they part ways and he moves on to the next flavor of the week to continue this insane cycle.
He is Auntie Margie's only child and though I know that she knows that something is definitely wrong with this picture, she doesn't have the heart to tell him he's got to go. The situation has caused a severe strain on her marriage and each time a pregnant girl shows up at their door step, ''Uncle Sid'' threatens to leave Auntie Margie for not kicking him the son out.
I know this sounds like something on Jerry Springer but I am not exaggerating, this is exactly how it is going down. Auntie Margie loves her son and doesn't want to throw him, his babies and the baby mamas out on the street because he doesn't have a job and she is afraid that they will all end up in some crack house. What do I do? Mama Drama
Dear Mama Drama: Oh my, and we thought we had problems with Miss Honey West and her hairball-vomiting issues. (Readers, we're serious here: If anyone else's cat is a throw-up machine and you have a solution, write us this second. Thanks.)
OK, back to the baby mama drama. We think you are onto something when you bring up Jerry Springer. Submit this whole mess to his show -- there's no reason it wouldn't get picked up and there are some very advantageous-outcome scenarios to contemplate.
One, Auntie Margie and Uncle Sid will finally get to profit financially from their responsibility-challenged son. When our friend John went on Geraldo a decade ago, pretending to be a pimp and his girlfriend Lorena as one of his call girls -- we can only assume he really needed the money -- he got a grand, plus expenses, and his girls got $500 each. So maybe the kitty's up to $2,500 or so these days? That could buy a whole lotta Pampers.
Two, there's nothing like a little public humiliation on national television to make an enabler mother wake up and see how just how much she's being used. Three kids from three different baby mamas, living at home with no job? This guy's lucky if they don't stone him.
What is puzzling is that Uncle Sid just sits back, fuming and taking his own cowardice out on poor overwhelmed Auntie Margie. Why doesn't he tell his mooch son that he's got one month to find a job and new place to live? And if Auntie Margie's concerned that her son's an unfit father -- and she has every reason to fear this -- she can take the kids (along with a monthly check to help feed and clothe them, which probably won't happen, but at least she can let him know that it's the adult thing to do) and raise them to be model citizens, despite their father's bad example.
If only Auntie Margie could grow a set, as it were. Heck, forget Jerry Springer. Call Oprah. This auntie needs a real intervention.
The Advice Diva welcomes your questions and your favorite worst pick-up lines -- particularly the more amusing ones. Write her at firstname.lastname@example.org. Diva's Mailbag
Dear Advice Diva:
I read your response [to the reader whose boyfriend wouldn't tell her that he loved her] and you wrote that she may be with ``a mommy boy wimp with no gumption.''
This is me, unfortunately. But I really do not want it to be me anymore. I look good and dress well, but that only exacerbates the ladies' disappointment in me. Please tell me what to do. CrisTal
You're only a mommy boy wimp with no gumption if you think you are. Perception is reality, and we set our own boundaries in life. You look good and you dress well. Check. But you don't know how to be cool, dashing and fun? Are we getting warm?