BY TARA SOLOMON
Dear Advice Diva: Needing your help big-time here, Diva: My wife is a very successful sales executive. She's got the company car, expense account, the respect of her boss, yadda yadda yadda. And, of course, being the super-achiever that she is, she recently got a promotion. Did I mention that she makes more than I do?Any guy in his right mind should be thrilled having this incredible woman as his wife, right? Then why am I so jealous? Why do I secretly wish that she was not quite as fabulous? Of course she thinks I'm on her team, and I try to make every effort to cover up my spineless envy.
But, in my defense, I have to say that my wife has not been at all modest about her success. Every opportunity she gets, she brags about how she now wears the pants in our relationship! Truly! I laugh it off but inside it gives me the willies. On one level, I am genuinely happy for her achievements and I am so proud of her, but I am feeling like a huge loser now that she's bringing home the bacon. And since I am a freelance copywriter/graphic artist who works from home, I am usually the one who ends up frying it up in the pan. Your counsel, please.
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Dear Mr. Wifey:
Your moral fiber is showing, and it ain't so pretty. Your alpha female has landed her big promotion and instead of being able to truly rejoice for her, you are playing the part of the happy husband, all the while seething inside. How sad. And what's really sad is that you apparently don't feel that you've got enough going on in your own promotion department. Forget that you don't have some boss-person to bestow upon you the tokens of accomplishment so that you can measure where you fit in with the world. It's about knowing what you're made of, and being so strong of character that you don't get rattled by anyone else's success, especially your loved one's.
We can't tell you exactly how to get there, but we'll share something we saw on The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch the other night as we were color-coding our lipstick drawer -- this is what happens when an OCD multitasks -- and Donny interviewed over-the-top-successes, including the guy who started Kinko's (and sold it to FedEx for something like $2.4 billion). One guest, a former CEO/motivational speaker who has earned, lost and rebuilt his fortune three times, always carries a list of his accomplishments with him, even the smaller ones. He suggests sitting down with paper and pen and listing every single great thing that you've ever done, every honor you've received, going back as far as you can remember. Then review your list daily. Fill your mind with positive, self-loving thoughts and don't let the negative crap creep in.
We say, pump up that deflated ego of yours, and not only will your wife's taunts have no power over you, but they'll probably cease.