Dear Advice Diva:
I'm a 27-year-old guy who always gets the line, ''So, why are you still single?'' My problem is that I am shy and unable to approach women at all. I'm very active in politics and I could have a three-hour discussion with a young woman about foreign policy, tax credits, smaller government, etc. I can, and have, given speeches in front of hundreds of people with no problem. But, to talk to that same woman and tell her about myself, I just don't see it happening. I'm not hideous by any means, but neither am I in the mold of Pierce Brosnan and I'm not that tall, unless I'm wearing lifts.
How would a guy who thinks he has little to offer women in the realm of tall, dark and handsome, but who wants to marry, settle down, raise a family and travel the world, approach someone? Or, should I even bother?
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Dear Master of Your Universe But You Don't Know It Yet:
You sound divine to us! (The Advice Diva is happily engaged, but you know what we mean.) What you are describing is a man who is brainy, accomplished, sensitive, commitment-friendly and able to earn a good living.
What sane woman wouldn't want that?
That you don't have movie star looks is immaterial. Many women, in fact, prefer to be the prettier one in the relationship. Power and security are the big attractions for women. Not all of us want Brad Pitt, nor do we all need someone taller than us to feel feminine. Witness TomKat (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes) and Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban.
Your homework: A little harmless self-hypnosis, or concentrated self-suggestion, if you will, as pioneered by good Dr. Milton Erickson decades ago.
Replace your constant mental refrain of ''I don't have what women want in a man, I can't talk to a woman one-on-one, etc.,'' with whatever you want your reality to be. Maybe, ''I am a real catch and will find my love match soon.'' And, ''I am an excellent conversationalist; women love to open up to me.'' As odd as this sounds, it will help reprogram your subconscious mind and give you a happier outlook on life. Really. Trust us. It's all in your mind.
And here's a little ice-breaker tip: Focus on her, not yourself. And save all the government talk for your cronies or a like-minded politica.
Play the favorites game: Ask her about her favorite books, films, designers, stores, colors, cities, artists, vacation spots as a child, etc. She will be swooning inside.
This isn't really a fashion thing, but I get all skeeved out by women who have these huge moles on their faces and don't get them removed. I was at Kinko's sending a package and the lady who helped me had this monster-sized mole right under her nose, in the center, above her lip, and another one off the side of her nostril. I couldn't stop staring at them. These things are simple to get removed. Why she doesn't is beyond me.
by Large Moles
The Advice Diva welcomes your questions and fashion pet peeves -- particularly the more amusing ones. Write her at advicediva@MiamiHerald.com.