Sharks are always a fun subject to talk about, especially when one of the 15 million tourists who flock to this are are within listening distance. Tourists (especially) make the same face we do when we experience their driving — eyes wide open, jaw drops anbd the hair stands up on the back of their neck.
With the recent shark attacks, some as close as two in the same location at Atlantic Beach, N.C., we asked our debaters: With the string of shark attacks, is it safe to go swimming in the ocean?
No, it is not
Sharks in the water, safety on the land
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So this week’s questions is, with a recent string of shark attacks, sightings, etc., off the east coast, SHOULD you feel safe enough to go in the water? Well that’s interesting you ask because HELL NO YOU SHOULDN’T! Are you KIDDING ME?! I can recall at LEAST three major film productions off the top of my head dedicated to warning you to stay as far as humanly possible away from the ocean, and we’re talking Steven Spielberg here, and Steven knows because he invented dinosaurs.
And yes, there are some that would say “but Finding Dory...” and let me stop you right there. How many times did Pixar’s beloved little blue tang fish almost encounter a violent death? If I had to guess I would say somewhere in the neighborhood of four million times. I seem to recall an octopus chase, a run in with sharks [see, sharks] and then of course that terrifying fish at the bottom of the ocean with the light on its face and thousands and thousands of teeth, which brings us to another excellent reason why you should never even look at the ocean again.
You need to understand that the ocean is literally hell on earth. According to a quick Google search, 95 percent of the ocean is still unexplored. Any idea as to why that may be? Well because at some point everyone agreed that we’d all sleep better at night if we don’t know what the hell is down there.
People, we’re not just worried about sharks. Yes, sharks are terrible, but there are literal monsters in the ocean [give “angler fish” a quick Google]. The ocean is 103 million square miles [that’s more than all land on the planet], and it’s FULL of things that just want to kill you. To put it in perspective, we know more about the moon than we do about the ocean.
So basically, Atlantis definitely exists.
Please stick to the water park; urine is so much safer.
Yes, it is
You know that meme where Robert Downey Jr.’s eyes are rolling so far in the back of his head that you can tell he’s sick of hearing whatever is being told? That’s what I did when I saw the “is it safe to be in the water” assignment.
Yes, it is safe. There is a possibility that you MAY get bit by a shark. But the same can be said for being hit by another driver while driving. The same can be said for having a baby while having unprotected sex. Does that mean you stop driving or stop having sex? No. Hell no.
Educate yourself. If you are that worried, learn about swimming around piers or times of the day sharks are more prone to swimming our shores. Sure it doesn’t mean attacks can only happen at those times or locations, but knowledge is power. The more you know, the more safe you’ll feel.
Now take them clothes off and sun-tan your buns in the warm Carolina waters.