Q: The guy I’m seeing told me that he would like it if I tongue-kissed another girl. At first, I thought no. But now I’m starting to think it’s no big deal and am thinking of doing it to shock him on his birthday. Me and her have been friends for a long time, and I’m pretty sure she would think it was fun, too. One of my other friends thinks I’m wrong, but I don’t see why. What do you think?
Steve: Listen to the Jill Sobule song “I Kissed a Girl.” That’s exactly what I think.
Mia: He’s grooming you. Think about it: Say, you kiss a girl just because dude thinks it’s hot. What will he have you do next? A threesome? Install a sex cam in your bedroom?
That’s cool if that’s what you’re into. But once you start doing things just to sexually titillate a man, you are setting yourself up.
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Q: I read your response to a recent letter regarding a woman who was having doubts regarding her boyfriend’s commitment, due to the fact that he had to care for an elderly mother with dementia. I took offense to the fact that you stated that he could be hiding behind his mother. Caring for an elderly loved one with dementia is a very demanding and tedious commitment. I put emphasis on the word commitment. Until you are faced with the care of a parent or loved one, I would be very careful to pass judgment on those that do.
I am a single female, caring for my mother, who has dementia. She is in a nursing home now, but that does not mean that the care stops. I still have a responsibility for her well-being. A nursing home does not fix everything; it just gives you piece of mind that she is in a medical facility.
If this woman was so reflective about her relationship, did she ever think that this man would probably love to have someone in his life but is faced with a life dilemma that does not allow for a quick solution? In closing, I just think that your responses sounded insensitive.
Mia: The harsh truth is, not everyone wants to be in a relationship with someone who has the responsibility of caring for an elderly parent.
If you’re not into it, you’re better off finding another partner than sticking around and being resentful over a love interest’s caregiving responsibilities.
Steve: Caring for an elderly parent is a very loving and good thing to do, up to a point. If the caring is so demanding that you cannot live your own life, then you have got a problem.
Steve is a 50-something married man who’s been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers.