A man claiming to be a J. Reuben Long Detention Center officer (who incidentally WAS a J. Reuben Long Detention Center officer) was arrested in connection with kidnapping and assault after he detained a man who he said was going to drive drunk at Broadway at the Beach, according to a police report.
The man, who we will refer to as “Deputy Dog,” is charged with kidnapping and third-degree assault and battery, according to jail records.
The fake mustache and glasses should have given it away, but I digress.
While on patrol about 3 a.m. Sunday at Celebrity Circle at Broadway at the Beach, Myrtle Beach police said they came across Deputy Dog holding a 24-year-old man in handcuffs, authorities said.
Police said Dog told them he was a J. Reuben Long Detention officer, which is just a CRAZY smart thing to do, and that he had detained the victim because he was going to drive drunk.
Brown said he was waiting for the victim’s mother to come and pick him up, police said. Go you, Deputy Dog.
Authorities said after speaking with both the victim and Deputy Dog that the victim had approached the mild-mannered crime fighter in the Broadway at the Beach parking lot and asked him for help finding his car.
The victim told police Deputy Dog claimed to be some type of officer, but couldn’t show any type of badge or credentials. Let’s cut him some slack, maybe he was undercover.
Deputy Dog then told the victim he couldn’t drive because he was drunk. “Don’t you ever tell me how to live my life,” was the victim’s reply. Or at least in my head it was.
The victim said he got nervous and ran, according to the incident report. Because that’s what you do when some creepy guy in a Broadway parking lot at 3 a.m. won’t let you leave.
Deputy Dog then chased the victim and tackled him to the ground and told someone with him to go grab his handcuffs for him, police said. Because he doesn’t have a badge or credentials, but he has HANDCUFFS. All right.
Deputy Dog handcuffed the victim and made arrangements for the victim’s mother to come and get him, authorities said.
Police said Dog never called them about the incident. Because it wasn’t necessary. Because he had handcuffs.
Officers on the scene contacted the J. Reuben Long Detention Center and were told that Deputy Dog does work for them, and has for less than two weeks. But that he had passed with flying colors on the handcuff exam.
Police were also told Dog has not attended an academy and does not hold a law enforcement-related certification, which by now is what we had all come to expect.
Police called EMS for the victim’s injuries and said the victim had scratches and scrapes and had swelling the size of a golf ball above his left eye.
Because that’s what you get when you try to break the law in Deputy Dog’s town.
Josh Bell, digital reporter
A 68-year-old man went to his door at about 4:50 a.m. after he heard a person outside knocking and saying his name, but when he opened it three men burst in, tied him up and took $1,000 from his pockets, according to a police report.
BECAUSE HE HAD $1,000 IN HIS POCKETS. AT 4:50 A.M.
This incident happened Sept. 26, 2013, at an apartment on the 800 block of Columbia Drive in Myrtle Beach. Thursday, one man was arrested and charged in connection with the case, according to booking records at the Myrtle Beach police jail website.
The man is charged with first-degree burglary, kidnapping and strong arm robbery. He is being held at the J. Reuben Long Detention Center Friday morning on $25,000 bond, jail records show.
Myrtle Beach police officers said they went to the victim’s home about 5:15 a.m. Sept. 26, 2013, after getting complaints about a man sitting in a truck honking the horn, authorities said.
When police arrived they saw the victim in the truck and noticed his wrist, waist and ankles had rope around them, officers said.
The victim then told the police that three men had burst into his home after he answered his door and forced him to a couch where his hands and feet were tied together, police said.
The victim said the men took his wallet, keys, about $1,000 cash from his pockets and two phones before leaving, authorities said. Because these are all things you need to have in your pockets. At 4 a.m.
Does this man sleep in cargo shorts? There is no possible way he had that many items in his pockets during his downtime. This legitimately sounds like a packing list for the Oregon Trail. Pending the Oregon Trail was something you traveled in 2015. In which case you probably wouldn’t be traveling in a covered wagon. Unless you were crazy pants, and then in that case you probably deserved to be robbed. But at the same time under those circumstances I doubt you would have $1,000 in your pockets. Would you have pockets in that time period? I know the Cold War was going on around that time period and pockets weren’t as easy to come by. Was $1,000 even invented in the 1800s? I failed history class.
The victim said he was able to get his hands and feet untied and made his way to his truck where he honked the horn until help came, police said. Since he didn’t have his TWO cellphones anymore.
It is unclear at this time what led to the man’s arrest nearly two years after the incident was reported.
No other suspects had been arrested in the case as of Friday morning.
Bunny house down
A local landmark is soon set to bite the dust, in order to improve the looks of Myrtle Beach.
This does not involve removing the community pool from Myrtle Manor, the Hard Rock pyramid or that funny-looking, upside-down place at Broadway at the Beach.
Nope, city officials have decided to demolish the Bunny Ranch, which sits on a piece of property oddly described as a doughnut hole.
The doughnut hole description does not describe any particular activity that took place at the former Bunny Ranch.
Instead, it is a piece of property that has really been a pain to control since it actually doesn’t fit into the city’s five-, 10- or 100-year plans.
That’s because it’s not actually in the city or the county. It’s a doughnut hole.
Whatever it is, the city is now intent on buying bunny land and tearing down the really ugly building in that location. There aren’t any real plans, yet, on what to do with the property. A city park might be kind of strange on a site that once held a notorious strip club.
Another Target or Wal-Mart might be nice, but there isn’t enough space and there are already 25 of them in Horry County.
Maybe a petting zoo would be appropriate.
Changing the area to another kind of bunny ranch would be good for local kids ... and you wouldn’t have to change the name that much.
Kelly Fuller, for The Surge
Everyone was hotel fighting
A parking lot brawl that involved a huge number of people cutting and stabbing each other was reported at the Avista Resort in North Myrtle Beach.
The fight started around 11:45 p.m. Wednesday, when three men attacked another one in the street.
People were running away, and bleeding, and hiding ... you get the picture.
The victim, who might have first been a witness to the original attack, was stabbed in the neck.
Police said he was trying to get the victim away from the men who were beating him.
Another man, 38-year-old Thomas Ammond, was caught in some nearby bushes. Police told him to come out or get tazed.
Kenneth Styers, 31, who also ran away, was arrested trying to hide in the Avista Resort. Styers also got hurt in the complicated brawl, according to police.
His well-meaning wife apparently told police he was “bleeding heavily,” and needed help.
A third person, 19-year-old Thomas Ammond III, was also caught by the po-po.
All three were charged with attempted murder and possession of a weapon during a violent crime.
Here is a word of advice ... stay out of smack-talking sessions in the parking lot, try to figure it out without cutting anyone and most of all, don’t think you can hide in the bushes when police are looking for you.
The Red Rainbow Incident
Police said a bloody female victim only remembered the start and finish of a fight that erupted (understatement) over an attempted sandals theft at Coastal Grand mall on Friday.
It was that middle “repeatedly getting her face pummeled into” bit that remained a bit hazy.
The “Red Rainbow Incident,” as it will now be known, began like this…
A woman was apparently confronted by a 44-year-old victim about hiding several Rainbow-brand sandals in her purse, and then … sh*t went down.
Myrtle Beach officers were called at about 8:55 p.m. Friday to Sydney Surf Shop at Coastal Grand mall and said they saw a “pool of blood” belonging to the victim at the store’s entrance when they arrived. It’s sandals, guys. Sandals.
The victim told police she told the suspect she wanted her sandals back after seeing the suspect put several pairs in her purse. A reasonable request.
The victim said the suspect got angry and threw a pair from her purse on the store table. The victim said she knew the suspect had more sandals because I’m sure at this point there were probably price tags sticking out of her bag, so she demanded all of them back. The suspect then took the opportunity to start yelling, and subsequently threw a total of four pairs of sandals out of her purse, which was just the tip of the iceberg.
The victim told police the suspect grabbed her by the hair and began punching her in the face until she blacked out, authorities said. Because if there’s one thing that sets people off, it’s not letting them take merchandise out of a store without paying for it. Merchants be warned.
Police said the victim had an ice bag on her nose, blood on her face and hair, and sadly, no Rainbows on her feet when they arrived.
Authorities said the incident did not happen in view of store cameras. Which is a huge bummer because you KNOW if ever a video was to go viral it would be that of a woman being beaten with sandals. The victim could not give a detailed description of the suspect, partially because of that whole, you know, being destroyed in the face continuously with footwear, and thus police said they did not find the suspect.
No arrests were made as of Saturday morning, but sources say George R.R. Martin is in talks with the owners of the store to develop a miniseries.
Josh Bell, digital reporter
Blue Light Special is a roundup of the Myrtle Beach area’s weird and wild crime, written with a saracastic and/or humorous twist. It is meant as a parody. Don’t take it too seriously; we don’t.