Spoiler alert: You might find this column a little squirrely or, if you prefer, pretty darn nutty.
That’s OK. Over the past 25 years, I’ve written plenty of squirrely and nutty columns; I know because readers have been quick to tell me so.
But here goes.
My wife and I were imagining what we would like to come back as if, you know, Shirley MacLaine is right.
I think she wanted to be a house cat like our Bo or some such sweet, pampered thing.
Me, I didn’t hesitate. I would love to come back as a squirrel.
Why a squirrel? Well, I like the way they scamper, the way they jump so effortlessly from tree to tree, enjoying the world from the highest peaks.
I like that they love golf courses and that they know most golfers are friends who leave snacks in the cart, just for them.
I love the way they play hide and seek whenever a dog or person comes by, whipping around to the other side of the tree and snickering. They do snicker, don’t they?
It’s interesting that I like those little guys because I actually have a long and troubling relationship with squirrels. In my youth, I hunted them with a .22 rifle. Never shot one, of course. They are mighty fast. And small.
My sister’s husband had a pet squirrel once. He was named Abner and he lived in their house. Abner terrified me because he would leap on me without warning and hang on like I was a tree.
I don’t think Abner lasted long in their home, for that very reason. He picked no favorites.
A few weeks ago, while on a camping trip to Hunting Island State Park, said wife purchased an early Father’s Day gift.
It was T-shirt with a big old squirrel on it and she insisted it was made for me.
It came with some very wise advise from a squirrel, which I am happy to share:
1. Look both ways when you cross the road.
2. Plan ahead.
3. Stay active.
4. Eat plenty of fiber.
5. Spend time in the woods.
6. Go out on a limb.
7. It’s OK to be a little nutty.
See what I mean? It’s me to a T.
Contact BOB BESTLER at email@example.com.