News flash! Saudi Arabian princes have decreed, that, due to a frightening scarcity of qualified swordsmen, they may have to resort to offing their dissadents with firing squads. Heed this harbinger, Barry, and don't be hasty about melting down our assault weapons.

My old theory about gun control laws has been ignored like a Mexican speed limit. It was that outlaws don't obey laws (duh). I have therefore developed a new analogy for our alleged gun problem. Why do car fanciers need a 500 HP engine that can reach 160 mph? Don't they know that the speed limits never exceed 70 mph? If Obama wants to limit these cars, he could reduce the availability of gasoline by vetoing the Keystone pipeline and prohibiting drilling on public oil leases. Oh! He did that already? This would make muscle cars attainable only by the evil rich. Oops, did I say that?

If I want to go into the woods with my “assault rifle” and pretend that my tomato cans and pumpkins are devious government operatives, I should be able to. My grandson said you can stay home. Boppy, and do that on my Gameboy.

The way our liberties are being taken from us, one would think that we're morphing into a dictatorship from a republic. “That’s absurd,” said my wife, and handed me a fat-free Krispy Kreme. “Here,” she said, “wash it down with this 6-ounce Coke” and stop pontificating.

The writer lives in Murrells Inlet.