Today’s column is for Grand Strand-area men.
So ladies, pass it to the nearest guy. I’ll make up a couple of useless sentences to give you time.
The Dallas Cowboys would have won this year’s Super Bowl had Austin Miles not lost a fourth-quarter pass from Tony Romo in the lights when they played the New York Giants in Dallas. A completion there would have sewn up the NFC East for the Cowboys and eliminated the Giants from playoff contention. That’s just how small the margin for error is at the professional sports level ….
The womenfolk are gone now. Listen, men.
We are a stupid creature. Don’t take offense. But we can be pretty dumb. You know it. I know it. And frankly, on most days, we can’t even help it.
It’s less than a week away from something called Valentine’s Day and not one of us has given much thought to the opportunity that day presents us every year. OK, I see one dude in the corner who grew up in a house full of older sisters. Maybe he’s thought about it.
For the rest of us, we usually screw up such holidays.
Never mind that the most important woman in your life says she doesn’t care about some contrived, overhyped, phony love holiday created by some candy company to make a few extra bucks.
Never mind that it doesn’t mark a truly great event, such as the anniversary of the first time you and your sweetie wore the same color jeans on a date.
Never mind that there’s nothing manly about Tuesday.
If you get this right, that extra round of golf with the fellas on a Sunday morning will be an easier sell.
Think flowers sent to her place of work, the heart-shaped candy box, candle-light dinner, or, gulp – yes, I’m actually going to say it out loud – cuddling up in front of a chick flick and not only staying awake but engaging in conversation about it afterwards.
Stereotypical stuff? Sure. But remember, this is just between us. We don’t have to pretend to be deep thinkers. The women aren’t listening.
I have one other idea for you. Come up with a few beautiful words to describe the importance of the most important woman in your life and share it with the world.
On Sunday, I will provide space for the men among us strong enough to take up that offer. It can’t be too long, maybe just the equivalent of what you’d post on Facebook or Twitter.
Give me your full name, and hers, and confess your undying love in whatever way that will mean the most to her, even if the rest of us don’t get it.
Send it via email by Thursday night or early Friday morning to ibailey@thesunnews.com. For the old schoolers, the fax is (843) 626-0356 and address is P.O. Box 406, Myrtle Beach, S.C. 29578-0406I suggest email or fax to assure it gets to me in time.
I’ll publish as many as possible in the paper and the rest online. (Or I’ll tell the women of the Grand Strand that so few of their men could find the few minutes it would take to make their day special that I had to scrap the entire idea.)
Then on Sunday morning, you can hide the column and spring it on her Tuesday while you’re watching “Sleepless in Seattle.” Or you can wake her up with it Sunday morning.
Just keep it simple, which, frankly, shouldn’t be hard for us to do. A few suggestions:
• Tell her something you really appreciate about her but have never told her.
• Surprise her by saying that dress she feared wearing hugged her just so and made you want to … OK, keep it clean. This is a family newspaper.
• Is there something else that you noticed about her but never got around to mentioning it?
• Why are you proud to have her on your arm when walking down the sidewalk?
• Why do you still love that bikini on her even though she’s terrified to wear it in public?
• Why are you grateful that she is the mother of your daughter?
• Tell her how she saved you from a life of nothingness and mean the world to you, and why.
If I was brave enough to do it, knowing it could be seen by more than 250,000 pairs of eyeballs next week, it would go something like this:
To Tracy LaShawn Swinton Bailey from Issac J. Bailey: “When we first met for those few quick seconds 22 years ago on a side street on the College of Charleston campus and you were still in an awkward stage and unsure of yourself, I knew then that you’d one day blossom into the most beautiful woman I would ever have the privilege of knowing. And you have. I wouldn’t trade two Super Models for you.”
I’d write something like that. Guys, you have a couple of days to honor the most important woman in your life.
Don’t let me -- or her -- down.
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