Thursday, Sep. 01, 2011

Hubby pays ex-wife's rent

 

Q. When my husband divorced his first wife three years ago, there was no alimony or child support awarded. Both their children were grown. We pay for his daughter's education, and I have no objection. He also agreed to pay his ex-wife's rent and a little extra to help while she got an education, too, and found a job. The daughter was still living at home. Now the daughter has moved out and wants her dad to help her with her rent until she finishes college next year. Meanwhile, the ex-wife hasn't even started school. I want to put a time limit on this! I feel like she's taking advantage.

Mia: Yes, she's taking advantage. You can't blame her, though. Who doesn't want free rent? And extra pocket money, too? Ex-wifey has had it pretty sweet. But this isn't about her, but about that overly generous husband of yours. He must be feeling some kind of guilt to still be paying her bills after all this time. Nothing's going to change, though, until he lets go and understands that his ex-wife's bills are no longer his responsibility. Get your pastor involved or seek professional counseling. If you don't, you might as well get used to your hubby supporting not one but three households -- yours, his daughter's and his ex-wife's.

Steve: Guilt exacts a higher price than alimony. He needs absolution or she'll continue to bleed him.

Q. This new guy I'm seeing growls like a bear when he comes. The first time he did it, it totally freaked me out. He even bared his teeth at me. Other than that, he's a pretty good dude. A little older than the guys I usually date. I enjoy kicking it with him but I'm not sure I can deal with the grizzly bear thing on a long-term basis. Any advice?

Mia: Short of getting ear plugs and closing your eyes? I say keep your options open. You're not really into this guy, or else you'd think his facial contortions and about-to-orgasm sounds were hot. You sound young, so I say keep looking for Mr. Right. And make sure you're protecting yourself from sexually transmitted diseases as well as bear bites.

Steve: Many folks invoke the name of their favorite deity at the crucial moment, but there's no shortage of funny noises out there. I had a friend who swore his gal always broke into uproarious laughter. That would put anyone off his game. There's no harm in discussing your man's growls with him, but do it gently because, inside, he's really a teddy bear.

Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene.