Issac Bailey | Son doesn't understand, but he will

It angered me this summer when a coach said my 8-year-old son was being lazy.

It was at the end of a day at a soccer camp at St. James High School and in response to my wife's query about Kyle's participation.

The next day, when she told the coach about my reaction, he asked if I was angry at him or Kyle.

I guess I should not have been surprised that he wouldn't immediately know that my disappointment - severe disappointment - stemmed from my son's nonchalance about the importance of all-out effort. (Kyle and I had a severe conversation and his performance during the rest of the camp improved.)

I appreciated the coach's frankness. When other serious, caring adults share honest, constructive observations about our children, we should not ignore them, though not all outside observations are equal or helpful

I should not have been surprised by the coach's reaction because too many parents reflexively defend our children against harsh but accurate critiques from teachers or coaches about their behavior or attitude when what we really need to provide is a good butt whoopin', figuratively speaking, of course.

My son is cute, compassionate, bright, intelligent and more articulate than many people decades his senior. That's the truth. What's also true is that he is testing boundaries, probing his mom and me about what will and won't be tolerated, which is why we received a call from his teacher on the third day of the school year.

She echoed the concerns the coach made at the soccer camp, that he wasn't applying himself. She also made mention of his being too talkative and other such things. But his refusal to give an all-out effort was what caught my ear.

I know his enormous potential, his high scores on state and national standardized tests, his expansive vocabulary that seems to grow by the second.

I know that all of that can be undermined - or enhanced - by how hard and long and focused he's willing to work, to apply the gifts God has given him.

Frankly, he doesn't get that yet. Maybe it's because he's 8 years old, or because that's the way many boys his age assert themselves, struggle to do only things that interest them or engage them for the moment.

My mother sent me out early in the morning to spend all day picking tobacco and cucumbers from seemingly mile-long rows in 95-degree summer heat to get me acquainted with hard, concentrated work.

I don't have the tobacco and cucumber farms at my disposal. But until Kyle comes to appreciate the important of hard work, we will have as many conversations as necessary to drive that message home.